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7 Marriage Counseling Questions to Strengthen Your Relationship

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Marriage counseling questions allow you and your partner to dig deeply into issues, identify root causes, and remember why you fell in love in the first place. A couples therapist can guide you through these questions, offering marriage counseling tips to promote productive conversations. Some answers might be hard to hear, but the resulting discussions usually lead to a healthier, stronger relationship. 

But what questions are asked during couples therapy, exactly? If you haven’t been to couples therapy before, it’s helpful to know what to expect. A great place to start is this list of the seven most popular marriage counseling questions compiled by our relationship experts here at Well Marriage Center.

What Kinds of Questions Do Marriage Counselors Ask?

When you first start counseling, there are common questions marriage counselors ask so they know how they can best assist you. Here are a few you might encounter: 

  • What’s the timeline of your relationship?

You’ll need to spend some time in your initial counseling sessions giving your therapist the background story of your relationship. Run through the major events, like getting married, having kids, changing jobs, experiencing trauma, and anything else that sticks out to you. With this context, your counselor can provide unique solutions to support you and your partner or spouse.

  • What did you initially admire in your partner when you first met?

It’s easy to forget what made you fall in love, especially in the midst of hard times. This question is meant to remind you both of those happy experiences in the early days of dating. Thinking positive thoughts about your partner can help balance the stress of sorting through your current relationships challenges.

  • What are your communication styles?

Styles of communication are typically divided into four categories: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive. The assertive style is what couples should strive for. It involves asserting your own needs through direct, honest, and respectful communication. If communication is a weak point in your relationship, not to worry—a licensed counselor can walk you through couples therapy exercises for communication to get you both where you want to be. 

  • Why did you seek couples therapy?

Some couples seek counseling purely to strengthen their relationship, but most couples usually have problems they want to address. Studies have shown that some of the top relationship stressors include lack of commitment, infidelity, too much arguing, financial problems, substance abuse, health problems, and lack of familial support. Responding to this question is the time to put these issues on the table and address what you hope to achieve in counseling.

How Can I Make My Marriage Counseling More Effective?

If you’ve taken the time to read through these questions and consider them in the context of your own relationship, you’re already on the right path. As long as you and your partner are willing to put in the work, you raise your chances of coming out the other side stronger than ever. 

However, an experienced and skillful marriage counselor will certainly help! Our team of licensed counselors at Well Marriage Center are well-versed in pro-relationship practices and relationship science. These counselors have aided couples in overcoming almost any challenge you can think of, from parenting issues to infidelity and beyond. 

Whenever you think the time is right, you can start the marriage counseling journey by filling out our short intake form. Our intake coordinator, Melinda, will walk you through the process and answer any question you may have.

We’ve heard the same statement from couples after counseling time and time again—“I never would have imagined our relationship could be this good again.” We would love to help you and your partner feel this way, too.

What Questions Are Asked During Pre-Marriage Counseling?

Pre-marriage (or pre-marital) counseling questions are designed to ensure you and your partner are on the same page before committing to marriage or some other milestone “next step.” Even if you’ve been together for years, you can still benefit from revisiting these questions as your relationship evolves.

  • How should you handle your finances?

There are so many factors to consider when it comes to managing finances together as a couple. It’s quite common for people to have different views on the many aspects of finance, and these differences can lead to uncomfortable arguments if not properly addressed. A good place to start is figuring out if you want joint or separate bank accounts. Then you also need to consider how you both feel about other big financial decisions, like credit cards, mortgages, loans, savings, financial goals, retirement, paying bills, and budgeting in general.

  • What do you want your physical intimacy to look like?

At the beginning of a relationship, the newness of it all can make sex and physical intimacy feel magical and exciting. And while many may think that spark fades with time, it doesn’t have to! Talking about exactly what you want from each other physically is the best way to make sure that doesn’t happen. 

  • What are your beliefs, morals, and values?

This is a big question, but maybe one of the most important. While it’s not impossible to make a relationship work with someone who has different values, it’s definitely not easy. When you align in these areas, it’s easier to approach whatever the world may throw at you as a team. Talk through topics like religion, politics, trust, ethics, respect, kids, birth control, and any other values that are a priority for each of you.

A licensed premarital counselor can help you navigate these questions with your partner, no matter what stage of the relationship you are in.


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Marriage Counseling Tips

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If you find yourself unable to communicate with your spouse, it can be difficult to make positive changes in your relationship. Whether it’s consistent arguments, minor disagreements, or avoidance, marriage counseling is an effective way to revitalize a marriage. Marriage and couples counseling can help with issues such as financial concerns, life changes like a new job, stress of children, disagreements in general, and any communication breakdown that couples might face together. 

In this article, we’ll explore tips for couples counseling, marriage counseling questions to strengthen your relationship, and even tips to support you in a dating or premarital counseling journey if you’re not married.

How to Prepare for Couples Counseling

Preparing for couples counseling begins with exploring you and your partner’s needs, goals, and expectations. Counseling can be daunting if you don’t know what will happen during your session, which might leave you asking, “How do I prepare for my first couples counseling session?” Below are five tips to help you get ready for your first couples counseling session:

1. Be Open-Minded 

With all of the stigma surrounding marriage counseling, it can be difficult to admit it is time to take action . You might think you should be able to do it on your own, but ultimately it is beneficial to seek help, if only to have a safe space for conflict resolution. Counseling sessions often include in-depth conversations about your relationship like setting expectations, goals, your intimacy, sex life, and expressing needs. 

Marriage counseling is a learning experience that helps you and your partner identify problems and develop strategies to overcome those problems. You can also expect to:

  • Discuss your fears and manage their effect on how you communicate with your partner.
  • Learn how to effectively communicate and resolve conflicts.
  • Understand your partner’s past experiences and how they influence their actions.
  • Express your needs in a healthy way, without anger or resentment.
  • Consider how you handle situations to be less reactive and more proactive.
  • Rebuild and renew your relationship with your partner.

By going into counseling with an open mind, you’ll be able to better utilize the tools provided to you during your sessions. 

2. Discuss Shared Goals

What do you and your partner want to accomplish during marriage counseling? Do you want to address sex and intimacy issues? Is healthy communication a top priority? Is there financial stress or big life transitions like a new job or baby? Are you finding yourself arguing more and more? You can explore several questions with your partner to set goals for your counseling sessions. It is worthwhile to lay out all of the issues you both think are important to focus on before meeting with a therapist. 

A few marriage counseling questions you can work through with your partner before attending your first session include:

  • What are the key challenges in your relationship that you wish to resolve?
  • What do you want to accomplish with marriage counseling?
  • Do you and your partner have the same goals?
  • If not, what goals are most important to each of you?

3. Set Realistic Expectations

Understanding what you’ll gain from marriage counseling is important, but it can be easy to set unrealistic expectations before you begin. Counseling won’t solve your problems overnight; it takes work. However, you shouldn’t expect to get into the nitty-gritty during your first meeting with a therapist. The first counseling session is intended to introduce yourselves to your therapist, give some background information, and establish goals and priorities. 

As you continue your sessions, realistic expectations of marriage counseling should be:

  • Finding an unbiased third-party that listens to and understands your conflicts.
  • Identifying and addressing systemic issues that affect you and your spouse.
  • Developing solutions to address areas of contention and implementing them at home.
  • Learning how to communicate with and listen to your partner in a safe setting.
  • Maintaining commitment, appreciation, and love for your partner during and after the process.

Ultimately your expectations should be to effectively communicate with your partner and attempt to resolve issues that have driven you apart.

4. Identify Your Feelings and Assumptions

Marriage counseling can help you address some personal issues as well. If you find yourself assuming your partner no longer loves you, doesn’t care about your emotions, or isn’t attracted to you anymore, it is important to vocalize those sentiments in a safe space. Before you go to your first session, you should ask yourself questions like:

  • Do I assume my partner’s feelings about me or our marriage?
  • Do I think my partner is capable of change? Why?
  • Has my partner addressed these issues with me in the past?
  • Do I project my feelings onto my partner?

These tough questions can help you better understand your emotions and perceptions of your partner’s feelings. You want to address these during couples counseling sessions, so your therapist can help you navigate these sentiments.

5. Search for a Therapist/Counselor

Once you’ve set your goals and identified areas of improvement, you can search for a marriage counselor that meets your needs. Finding a qualified therapist might take some time, as you should ask questions to make sure they’re the right match for you. 

Some questions for a potential therapist you might want to consider include:

 

  • What do you believe makes a relationship successful?
  • How many of the couples you’ve helped see improvement due to your counseling?
  • How do you determine when it is appropriate to end counseling?

Remove any negative questions like, “What’s your opinion on divorce?” and aim your attention on how you can succeed. Some counselors might focus on weaknesses right off the bat, but providers like Well Marriage Center take strengths-based and marriage-first approaches to help you build a foundation for success in your relationship.

Many marriage counseling exercises will have you examining your goals and expectations, being prepared will help you navigate those difficult discussions together. Be sure to focus on what you need as an individual and a couple and find a therapist to revitalize your relationship.

What Questions Do Marriage Counselors Ask At the Beginning?

Marriage counseling can lead to great success in your relationship. If you’re considering marriage counseling, you might not be sure what to expect. Here are three questions that will come up during your beginning counseling discussions:

Who Are You? What Is Your Story?

Before you dive into the in-depth conversations, your therapist will want to get to know you, your partner, and your marriage. This will help them understand your dynamics as a couple, what is important to you inside and outside of the marriage, and any concerns you may have. Your therapist will get to know you so they can help you make your sessions beneficial for your relationship.

What Do You Value About Your Relationship?

In marriage counseling, you need to focus on the strengths and dynamics of your relationship. This includes discussing the pieces of your marriage that you value the most. What draws you to your partner? How do they make you feel? What do you appreciate about them? Understanding what you value—and how you are valued—leads to a stronger emotional connection in your marriage. You’ll be able to explore how those values impact your marriage now and into the future. That will be beneficial in creating a strong and lasting marriage. 

What Do Marriage Mean to You?

Sometimes partners have different ideas about what marriage means. That is not a bad thing! However, it’s important to discuss expectations that are new or have changed if you’re struggling to communicate them clearly. Are there any roles you expect your partner to fill? Answering these and similar questions will help you understand what your partner expects from you in your marriage and how that aligns with your beliefs. 

These questions will help therapists get to know you and your relationship better before diving into the nitty-gritty details. Also be prepared to discuss any expectations you have for counseling, disagreements or successes between you and your partner, and what you think is most valuable to focus on during your sessions. Counseling takes time and effort and you shouldn’t expect to solve your concerns during the first session. Set expectations and goals from the beginning and you will find more success.

What to Say in Marriage Counseling

Marriage counseling is about working together, and any conversations about reaching goals, navigating disagreements, and addressing personal feelings are greatly encouraged. Aim to have conversations with your spouse that promote healing within and outside of counseling sessions. During your counseling plan and counseling sessions, you should:

  • Ask tough questions of yourself and your partner to uncover underlying issues.
  • Be open and honest about your feelings without accusing or demeaning your partner.
  • Instead of attacks, use communication techniques like “I feel” statements.
  • Revisit and reflect on past discussions outside of sessions and address any concerns in the next one.

Don’t shy away from the tough topics! Growth can be difficult without facing issues head-on. At Well Marriage Center, we promote healthy discussion that leads to restoring marriages and believe that a strengths-based approach leads to success. Your sessions should help you to strengthen your marriage, not tear it down.

How Can I Make My Marriage Counseling More Effective?

Successful and effective marriage counseling relies on clear communication. By addressing the issues within your marriage openly, and with guidance, you’ll see more success in your sessions. Here are a few tips for effective marriage counseling:

  • Avoid negativity, accusations, and attacks. Aim for positivity and collaboration.
  • Focus on changing yourself—not your spouse—and communicate your needs clearly.
  • Seek to understand your partner’s perspective and learn to accommodate their needs.
  • Remember—it’s not about you, it’s about us. You both deserve respect and attention.
  • Keep in mind your therapist will help guide you through discussions and isn’t picking sides.

While there are many more tips on effective marriage counseling, remember that you and your spouse both need to put in the work to make it successful. 

Do I Need Marriage Counseling?

While only you and your spouse can determine whether it is time for marriage counseling, here are a few concerns to consider: 

  • Consistent negative communication 
  • Lies
  • Secrets
  • Lack of intimacy
  • Blame and Defensiveness
  • Contempt
  • Withdrawal and feeling lonely

It can be difficult to navigate situations with your spouse without clear communication, which is a major source of relational issues. If you or your partner are unsure about pursuing counseling, it can be helpful to answer these questions and determine whether or not you want to choose this option:

  • Do you trust your partner? Why or why not?
  • Are you being dishonest with your partner?
  • Do you view your partner as an antagonist (the “bad guy”)?
  • Do you consistently have arguments? Are they frequently about similar issues?
  • Have you become indifferent about your marriage?
  • Do you compromise on important issues? / Do you have to get your way?
  • Do you feel safe physically and emotionally?

If you’re experiencing any distress while answering these questions, reaching out to a marriage counselor might be beneficial . Well Marriage Center has several resources for you and your partner to make the best decision for your relationship.

What Percentage of Marriage Counseling is Successful?

Marriage counseling works! Several studies have determined that 70-75% of couples who attend counseling are successful at renewing their marriage. However, don’t expect your relationship to be perfect after one or two sessions. On average, couples counseling lasts between 10 and 25 sessions, so there is plenty of time to identify and resolve any issues you’re facing as a couple. 

How Do You Succeed In Couples Therapy?

At Well Marriage Center, we help couples overcome hurdles, interrupt unhealthy cycles, strengthen their communication, heal attachment wounds, and revitalize their relationship. Our strengths-based approach enables couples to identify their strengths, rather than focusing on weaknesses. We don’t see a difference between couples therapy vs marriage counseling. When it comes to building relationships, we find counseling an important tool for all couples. 

We want to build your relationship up! Let us support you in making your marriage counseling experience a success. If you’d like to build a happier, healthier relationship, contact us by filling out our intake form and setting up a call with our Intake Coordinator, Melinda.


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What Not To Say During Couples Counseling

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Before you decide to go to marriage counseling, it can seem a bit overwhelming. What are the right things to say? Is there anything you shouldn’t say? Of course, these fears can get in the way of open and honest communication between you and your partner. But couples counseling is about working together, and some things shouldn’t be said—like accusatory statements or hurtful comments.

So, when it comes to marriage counseling and what not to say, it’s important to remember that it is a team effort and everyone’s feelings should be considered and respected. 

Most often, couples don’t feel worse after marriage counseling. In fact, it can be incredibly successful—75% of couples, on average, are able to rekindle their relationship through couples therapy. In this blog, we’ll talk about one of the common marriage counseling issues: communication.

3 Things You Should Never Say to Your Partner

In marriage counseling, tensions can get high when confronting complex  issues head on, even with a plan and a great  therapist. It’s important to remember that even in the heat of the moment, you should never attack or accuse your significant other. Remember the saying that you can’t take back what you say? That stands true, especially in vulnerable situations like couples therapy. While voicing your concern is important,  there are productive ways to speak with your partner, even in tense situations. Here are a few things you should never say to your partner. 

1. Attacks

In the heat of the moment, it might be tempting to say something you know will hurt your significant other’s feelings. Whether that’s something like “You’re so selfish!” or “I wish I never met you!” it’s important to approach those feelings in a constructive way. Attacks only produce resentment, hostility, and more distance. In a counseling session, the counselor should guide you through a productive discussion that avoids attacks and instead leads you to voice your frustrations in effective ways. 

2. Accusations

Accusing your significant other of things like intentionally hurting you or even “If you really loved me, you’d do x for me!” can place a huge burden on a relationship. If you have concerns about the way your partner approaches certain issues, you can make that known through techniques like the “I feel” statement. Try, “I feel…frustrated and overwhelmed when you don’t help me clean the house,” instead of, “You need to help me clean the house!” Of course, a marriage counselor can help you navigate those feelings and communicate them clearly and in a non-accusatory way. 

 

3. Blame

It might be tempting to make your partner feel guilty by bringing up something hurtful they’ve done in the past. But blaming them for how you feel isn’t fair. Significant others can hurt your feelings, but it’s often not an intentional outcome. Imagine you were out with friends and forgot to text that you were safe, and your partner’s response was telling you, “You must not love me because you don’t respect me and my feelings.” That’s a pretty harsh response to an honest mistake. Marriage counseling can help you avoid these reactions and fill your communication toolbox with healthy responses and approaches.

This list is by no means comprehensive, but avoiding these main three things is essential to building trust and healthy communication styles. You should aim to discuss things with your partner in a way that leads to healing inside and outside of the counseling session.  Well Marriage Center offers you several resources for the dos and don’ts of marriage counseling, so you can feel confident in your decision to work with a licensed therapist.  We want to help you renew your relationship and build communication skills in a safe and comfortable environment. 

What Should I Not Tell a Marriage Counselor? 

Being completely honest with your partner and therapist can be nerve-wracking. Vulnerability is tough to manage, but with a therapist, you should be able to explore your feelings more openly. Marriage counseling is a joint therapy plan that helps you navigate your relationship with someone else, which can be paired with individual sessions so you have the opportunity to share your feelings in both settings. You should always be honest with your counselor. They are there to help you, even if you sometimes disagree with their suggestions. 

While couples counseling is built to be open and honest with your partner, a therapist might inform your partner of something you’ve said individually. Counselors are there to help you and your partner figure things out together, not take sides. You shouldn’t expect to tell a therapist a secret during a session that you want to be kept from your partner. However, the urge to keep secrets might be a good thing to discuss with your therapist. They can help you plan a healthier way of dealing with or communicating secrets and feelings.

Strengths-Based Marriage Counseling

At Well Marriage Center, we believe in focusing on the strengths of your relationship. Marriage counseling is about finding renewal and success in your partnership, not tearing each other down. Our experience helping over 15,000 couples can lead you through communication, trauma, sex, forgiveness, and other issues affecting your marriage. If you want to begin your counseling journey today, fill out the intake form to connect with Melinda, our Intake Coordinator. We will tailor a plan specifically for your relationship to help you get the most out of your counseling.


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How Do You Know When Marriage Counseling Isn’t Working?

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In relationships, like in life, there are great times and then there are tougher times. A long-term, committed relationship is one of the most fulfilling experiences a person can have, and something most humans deeply long for. You find someone, fall in love, and embark on a promising new journey together–but it’s normal that along that journey you and your partner will experience challenges. One proven way that helps couples  better handle the tests and trials within your relationship is to enroll in marriage counseling. 

Unfortunately, marriage counseling (also known as couples counseling) is often associated with a stigma of failure, and as such is seen as a last resort for couples. But in the same way you might conduct routine maintenance on your car to prevent bigger issues, marriage counseling is a great resource for many couples to further solidify their foundation or even rekindle a flickering flame. 

Despite all of the positives of marriage counseling (which we get into a little later), it can be difficult to know if it’s working. To that end, we are going to look at some signs marriage counseling is working, and signs that it’s not. 

When Does Marriage Not Counseling Work?    

Marriage counseling is one of those endeavors where you can only get out what you put in. In other words, if reservations about marriage counseling cause you or your partner to go in half-hearted or closed-minded, you might not be opening yourself up to all the benefits counseling can provide. Oftentimes, this reluctance can cause participants to ask ,”when to stop marriage counseling or when to give up on marriage counseling?”

To answer those questions, let’s take a look at a few reasons or signs that marriage counseling is not working.

  • Individual therapy might be a better alternative. It is common for challenges between partners to be rooted in personal issues. Sometimes a marriage counselor will suggest that one or both of the parties involved work with an individual therapist to resolve some of their underlying issues. Once that is accomplished the participant  will be in a better headspace to focus on working through the roadblocks in their relationship. 
  • Just showing up isn’t enough. Sometimes marriage counseling patients think just showing up to the sessions will resolve their issues. The simple fact of the matter is that a therapist can’t solve the problems or do the work for them. Maintaining a relationship can take a lot of deliberate effort. If they aren’t willing to put in the work, that is one sign marriage counseling might not be the right solution for them. 
  • They have an ulterior agenda. If they have an agenda in marriage counseling that is anything other than improving the relationship, they might not be setting themselves up for success. It is not uncommon for individuals to come in trying to prove that they are right, or convey that their partner is the one who needs to change. Unfortunately, these motivations tend to create more issues as opposed to actually solving anything.      
  • Your therapist is not a good match. Marriage counseling is an intimate and vulnerable experience. As such, it’s important that participants feel they have an appropriate counselor. For example, at Well Marriage Center, we have a group of around 30 licensed relationship specialists. Between our extensive staff, and our efficient intake-process,  we strive to make sure each therapist is the perfect fit. In fact, one of our core values is being pro-relationship, meaning we want to do everything we can to help people rekindle the spark between themself and their partner. Sadly, not all marriage counseling providers go to the same lengths we do to make sure participants feel comfortable with their therapist. This can lead to plateaus in progress, or worse, a completely unpleasant counseling experience. 

Is Marriage Counseling Worth It? 

For many people this answer is a resounding yes. Provided you both come in with the right intentions and a willingness to put in the effort, marriage counseling can prove to be quite effective. Signs that marriage counseling is working include:

  1. Your relationship is healing. This is the biggest (and most desireable) sign that couples look for to know if counseling is working. Signs that your relationship is healing include things like improved communication and comfort discussing uncomfortable truths. Another sign of healing might include an increase in affection toward (or from) your partner. 
  2. Eagerness or willingness to attend therapy. At first, couples therapy might feel like a chore or a burden. However, as you start to see improvements in your relationship, your anxiety  or doubts about attending sessions might turn into a willingness or even eagerness to continue showing up and working things out. 
  3. You are willing to do the work. Words like “saving,” “repairing,” “fixing,” and “change,” can carry with them a daunting or high-stakes connotation. But, if you are willing to look past the discomfort of starting marriage counseling, you can find yourself wanting to do the hard work. The more you feel fulfilled by the effort you put in, the bigger the sign that marriage counseling is working and worth it.  

To further determine if marriage counseling might be right for you, let’s look at a few frequently asked questions.     

What Percentage of Marriages Survive After Counseling?

If you’re still wondering about the effectiveness of marriage counseling, the fact that the overwhelming majority of couples have a successful experience might help ease your mind. 

How Many Times a Week Should You Go to Marriage Counseling?

The industry standard is once a week at the beginning of couples counseling sessions. Of course that is subject to change based on your specific situation. After your initial counseling sessions, your schedule might be every two weeks or even once a month. Generally speaking, the average length of marriage counseling is 12-20 sessions. (I think some of the other blogs say 12-25 sessions?)

What Are the Signs of a Good Couples Therapist?

There are a handful of things to look for in a good couples counselor. 

  1. For starters, your therapist should be licensed. 
  2. But more than just the license, the therapist’s speciality is what matters. Many licensed therapists see just 2-3 couples per week and often don’t help facilitate great results. Make sure at least half of the therapist’s clients each week are couples. At Well Marriage Center our caseloads are almost 100% couples. There is a science to relationships and good counselors will be specialists and experts. 
  3. A good therapist should be relationship-friendly, not just advising couples to break up. Participants are worried if they enter into counseling it will end in divorce. At Well Marriage we focus on rebuilding and rekindling happy relationships.
  4. A good therapist will help you remain hopeful and optimistic while still providing valuable insight and direction.  
  5. The best therapist ultimately helps couples find their way back to each other. They help them rediscover what brought them together in the first place and address whatever obstacles are creating space. 

At Well Marriage Center our team of experts meet those 4 criteria and more. Explore our website to learn more, or if you’re ready, get started today by contacting Melinda. 


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What Is Talked About During Marriage Counseling?

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Nervous about your first marriage counseling session? You’re not alone. Marriage counseling is an extremely vulnerable experience, bound to unearth intense emotions for everyone involved. Fortunately, if you and your partner know what to expect before you begin, it can feel a lot less scary—and you’ll likely get more out of the experience. So, how do couples prepare for a therapy session? Although the specifics of your marriage/ couples therapy exercises will differ depending on your unique goals, there are some basic steps you can take to ready yourself for any initial therapy session. 

To help prepare you for your healing journey, Well Marriage Center answered a few of the most common marriage counseling questions that couples ask when starting therapy. 

Frequently Asked Marriage Counseling Session Questions

What Do You Talk About Before Couples Counseling?

Naturally, every couple’s reasons for pursuing therapy differ. However, there are common factors that often contribute to strife in a relationship, such as:

  • Communication issues
  • Loss of romantic feelings
  • Financial issues
  • How to raise children 
  • Health issues
  • Trauma  
  • Intimacy issues
  • Infidelity

If there are clear stressors—like those listed above—that you and your partner deem the main source of tension, then it would be best to review those points before your first therapy session. 

However, if your reasoning is less cut and dry, then it maybe is beneficial for you both to explore the following questions before starting therapy: 

  • Do we want to stay together? 
  • What are your opinions of therapy?
  • What are the most significant problems in our marriage? 
  • Does this rough patch/relationship feel temporary or permanent?
  • When did you first notice that something was wrong? 

Going through these questions can give you a better idea of how to navigate counseling. It’s important to note that you do not need concrete answers so long as you both actively engage with these questions on a deeper emotional level. 

Additionally, reviewing these types of questions in advance will better prepare you and your partner to have difficult conversations, making your first counseling experience more productive and beneficial for everyone.

What Do You Talk About During Marriage Counseling?

As we’ve said before, the specific topics of each counseling session vary greatly depending on the couple’s unique goals and challenges. Every couple is different, so every counseling approach is equally distinctive. That being said, here are a few of the most common questions a good therapist  asks during an initial counseling session. 

  • In general, how would you describe your life and marriage together?
  • What does the timeline of your relationship look like? 
  • What strengths do you bring to the table in your relationship? And what strengths do you think your partner has? 
  • Do you have any prior experience with marriage counseling or other types of therapy?
  • What made you decide to seek marriage counseling?
  • Have you tried anything to resolve present issues before seeking counseling? What did you try, and how did that go?
  • What do you expect to get out of couples therapy? 
  • Do you currently want to stay with your partner? Why or why not? 
  • Are you willing to put in the work and make changes to improve the quality of your marriage?

Is There a Difference Between Couples Therapy vs Marriage Counseling?

This depends on who you ask, but Well Marriage Center uses these terms interchangeably. We believe that all couples, legally married or not, can repair and strengthen their relationships via therapy. Ultimately, the end goal of therapy for all types of couples is the same—to heal, reinforce their relationship, and bring about a happier future together. 

How Long Do Couples Usually Go to Counseling?

The actual duration of couples counseling is different for everyone and depends on several factors, like:

  • How long you have been together
  • What your needs are
  • What challenges are present
  • The counseling model used by the therapist

In the end, the average length of marriage counseling doesn’t matter. A couple may pursue counseling for as long as they need to; incorporating a strict timeline doesn’t do anyone any favors, and may add unnecessary stress. 

Searching For Pro-Relationship Counseling? Try Well Marriage Center

It’s important to understand that pursuing counseling does not mean you have failed as a couple. Instead, it’s a chance to make your relationship even stronger. Regardless of your specific situation, you and your partner deserve a therapist who will help you pursue individual happiness while advocating for the success of your relationship. 

Although counseling can feel daunting, the right therapist will help you and your partner work through the tension to build a stronger and happier union. Our licensed, specialized therapists know how to tailor your therapy experience so you and your partner can discover mutually beneficial solutions. 

If you are both ready to take the first step of your counseling journey, fill out our short intake form and set up a consultation with our Intake Coordinator, Melinda. She’ll happily walk you through our process and answer any questions you have to match you with a counselor who meets your unique needs. 


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What a Marriage Counselor Should Not Say

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While some reports show that marriage counseling has a positive impact on 70% of couples, the journey to healing your relationship is not always easy. Even if you and your partner agree that therapy is the best move, the connection you have with your counselor can profoundly impact the health of your relationship with your partner as well. It’s hard enough to find a therapist in the first place, and then it can also be difficult to know how to evaluate them. It is also not common for couples that are new to counseling to know that they can leave their therapist, and find a new one. They are ultimately there to serve you and your needs, not the other way around. That is what has motivated us to create this piece on marriage counseling: what not to say. We want couples to have more confidence in being able to identify if they are in the right place to heal their relationship. 

What Are the Signs of a Bad Couples Therapist?

It can be easy to attribute the problems with couples therapy to the pair seeking help. This can lead couples to stay with the wrong therapist much longer than they should. Let’s take a look at some of the signs of a bad couples therapist.

  • Uses Too Much Jargon: Your therapist is not there to confuse you and show off that they have a degree. The language they use in sessions should be to help you discover the root cause of your issue(s) and progress to a positive future. The best help a counselor can give you is to guide you and your spouse through whatever challenges your marriage is facing without resorting to jargon that you don’t understand.
  • Has Little or No Structure: Couples therapy needs to be conducted in a structured environment, with a clear cut plan and a positive end goal for the relationship. Before you meet with a counselor, ask them how they structure their sessions. They need to step in and give ample time for each person to speak their mind. There are too many emotions in play for a therapist to sit back and let the couple talk in circles for the whole session.
  • Treats All Couples the Same: Inexperienced counselors will use similar treatment methods from couple to couple. While some healthy habits and practices can be recommended to couples across various circumstances, you want your therapist to treat your unique situation as such. The special dynamics of your relationship may fit a certain strategy on paper, but the right therapist will customize their process to fit your situation.
  • Is Not Pro-Relationship: Whether or not you are married, counselors that push for divorce or breaking up as the top solution for your relationship may be too focused on you as an individual and not as a couple. So, what does pro-relationship counseling look like? Other therapists may practice what is called “marriage-neutral counseling.” This means the therapist will take a neutral approach toward whether or not you and your partner should stay together. Within these kinds of sessions, it is not uncommon for the counselor to encourage couples to split up rather than put in the work to better their relationship. 

Can Couples Counseling Make Things Worse?

Simply put no, marriage counseling will not make things worse. The catch is that both parties must be willing to put in the work to fix the issues. However, there are therapists that can cause damage to your marriage and even you and your partner’s mental health. It all comes down to your work and how well you and your partner connect with your counselor. Although it’s not always easy to spot the signs of an ineffective counselor, if something feels off, talk to your partner and listen to yourself if the sessions just are not feeling right. Perhaps you’ll discover you’ve both been searching online, “when to stop marriage counseling” because neither of you feels you’ve made any progress after numerous sessions.

This can all sound a bit bleak, but before you jump the ship on counseling altogether, a shift in who you go to might be all the change you need. For example, if you feel your current counselor is discussing divorce too much, it would be a good idea to go to a team that practices pro-relationship therapy like Well Marriage Center.

What are the Signs Marriage Counseling is Working?

 With a better understanding of what a bad situation can be, here are some clues that your counselor is a good fit: 

  • It Feels like Collaboration: You should feel like the therapist is on your team. For example, are they asking the right questions, are they truly wanting to get to know you both, do they demonstrate a good understanding of your relationship after multiple sessions, and are they focusing on the strengths of your relationship? If your couples therapist is taking sides, that is a sign that healing in your relationship will likely not occur. 
  • You Don’t Dread Going: If you and your partner are excited about going to therapy to work on creating the best situation, that is a great sign it is going well. Dreading going to counseling because you feel like all it does is start conflict could mean that your current session environment is not conducive to healing the relationship. 
  • You Are Doing the Work at Home: It is a great sign if all the hard work both of you put in does not end when you leave the session. You should be excited to put what you have been learning and practicing in therapy into action. When your therapist gives you a mindfulness activity to try the next time an argument starts, both parties should be excited to pause and implement it. 

Well Marriage Center: Where Happy Futures Begin

When you invest in relationship counseling with one of our therapists at Well Marriage Center, you can trust you’re getting paired with certified therapists that have a wide range of treatment frameworks. It can also put your mind at ease that all of our therapists have dedicated their careers to solely helping couples forward.  It is always beneficial to have a marriage counselor in your community: one who is deeply experienced with the nuances of committed partner relationships and who wants to see your marriage succeed and thrive. 

Contact us today to set up a consultation with our Intake Coordinator, Melinda. She is ready and waiting to answer any questions you may have to ensure you are matched with the right counselor. 


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What Should I Not Tell a Marriage Counselor?

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All relationships go through phases. Sometimes, you’re perfectly in sync with your partner and your personalities just click. You are open when communicating with each other, and you are excited to celebrate their wins or weather their losses together. Then there are times when you can’t seem to agree on anything. Whether it’s spending habits or how they chew, sometimes your partner just irritates you. There are also the times in between, when you and your partner settle into your routines. You may start to feel more like coworkers and roommates while doing chores, running errands, or raising kids and pets. Whichever stage you’re in, you’re not alone. Couples across the globe struggle to keep the spark alive when everyday life gets in the way.

And, while you’re not alone in your experience, you also don’t have to be alone in working toward a more solid relationship. That’s where marriage counseling comes in. In fact, 49% of couples have attended some form of counseling with their partner, even if they aren’t married. A growing number of couples are seeing the benefits that sessions can have on their relationships, such as improving communication, identifying the root causes of conflicts, and strengthening emotional and physical intimacy. Yet, it’s not uncommon to feel hesitant to open up about your private life to a professional. Lacking answers to questions like “What do you say at marriage counseling?” and “Why does marriage counseling fail?” can prevent couples from seeking help, even when they truly need it. 

At Well Marriage Center, our goal is to make the benefits of couples therapy accessible to all, so we’ve put together this guide on marriage counseling: what not to say. 

What Not To Say During Couples Counseling?

While you shouldn’t hide anything from your couples therapist, there are certain phrases or ways of saying things that will harm your relationship further instead of healing it. Oftentimes, these phrases are ways of lashing out about problems rather than identifying and working to solve them, which causes both sides to feel worse after marriage counseling. Here’s a list of phrases you should avoid in favor of more reflective ones:  

“No, You’re Wrong…”

While both you and your partner should feel comfortable expressing how you feel, shutting down the other party’s perspective or playing the blame game closes off communication and leaves no room for growth. The same situation could be interpreted completely differently by you and your partner. If they start to open up about what they experienced and you interrupt with “You’re wrong,” you won’t get the chance to understand their perspective. You don’t necessarily have to agree with your partner’s version of events, but it helps to know what they are in order to get to the root cause of your disconnect. 

“Don’t Tell My Partner This…”

You don’t want to create a situation with your couples therapist taking sides. Asking your therapist to keep a secret from your partner can put them in a tricky situation. Should they take your side and keep your secret or should they take your partner’s side—revealing your secret and possibly compromising the relationship while betraying your trust? If you have information that you aren’t sure how to share with your partner, however, it is okay to ask your therapist to help create a plan to have that conversation. 

“I’m Done. I Want a Divorce.”

Often, this is purely an expression of frustration and a way to try to make your partner feel small. We can tell because if you really wanted to end the relationship, you would be meeting with a divorce lawyer instead of a couples therapist. Instead of this phrase that can only result in your partner getting defensive or shouting back the same, it’s more constructive to explain the feelings behind those words. Are you struggling to believe that things could get better, or has your partner hurt you in a way that you don’t feel you can move on from?  

What Do You Say During Marriage Counseling?

If you find yourself ready to lash out with words that you hope will do some damage, then you should say something different. When you feel like using any of the above phrases, here’s a list of what you could say instead:

“No, You’re Wrong…”

  • Instead, say “I understand why you feel this way, but I had a different experience during this situation.”

“Don’t Tell My Partner This…”

  • Instead, say “I’m not sure how to tell my partner this. Can you help me bring this up once our relationship is strong enough?”

“I’m Done. I Want a Divorce.”

  • Instead, say “I don’t feel that you’re trying to understand my concerns as we work on our relationship.”

Using these alternative phrases doesn’t just help prevent tense situations from escalating, they can also help you rekindle your trust and respect. Choosing to not be reactive gives you the chance to learn more about your partner and their experience, which can bring you closer to one another. 

Relationships Are Hard. Navigate the Ups and Downs with Well Marriage Center. 

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” may be sound advice for your garage door, but it isn’t for your relationship. Even if you aren’t experiencing major problems in your relationship, couples therapy can still benefit you and your partner by opening up communication. At Well Marriage Center, we view couples therapy as preventative care. We help you uncover and deal with underlying challenges in your relationship so you can fix them early or heal from unresolved issues. 

That’s why we’ve made getting started with a couples therapist easy. All you have to do is schedule an initial consultation online with our Intake Coordinator, Melinda. Then we create a customized plan to help you meet your goals through consistent appointments. Are you ready to build the foundation for a more healthy, intimate relationship? Schedule an appointment to get started! 


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50 Marriage Counseling Questions for Before and During Marriage

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Marriage counseling—to some, it indicates failure. To others, it’s a sign of hope. And to many, it’s new and unknown territory, one that might have you Googling “marriage counseling tips” or “ground rules for couples therapy” on your phone in the middle of the night. 

At Well Marriage Center, we’re all about debunking couples therapy myths and showing people the very possible and positive outcomes that can result from counseling. This is why we love answering questions like, “How can marriage counseling help a couple improve their relationship?” and “What can we expect during couples therapy?” Clients who ask these kinds of questions and who are willing to work through issues are usually the ones who find the most success from relationship counseling. 

With that in mind, we’ve put together 50 of our favorite counseling questions for the different stages of a relationship. We hope this will help you feel a bit more comfortable and prepared for the journey. Plus, we’ll give you a few tips to make the most of each therapy session. 

Premarital Counseling

Premarital (aka “pre-marriage”) counseling is an excellent way to embark on the adventure of marriage with your partner. Even if your relationship has gone relatively smoothly so far, time and the pressures of married life can introduce new and unforeseen issues. 

Those who are new to the concept of premarital counseling might wonder—does it actually work? Will it create more problems instead of solving potential issues? Many scholars, psychologists, social workers, and beyond have asked these same questions, and there are plenty of studies demonstrating the positive effects of premarital counseling. 

For example, one clinical research study entitled “Marital Satisfaction: The Impact of Premarital and Couples Counseling” found that “participants who had taken part in premarital counseling do show a trend toward high marital satisfaction.”

Another study, “Using What Premarital Couples Already Know to Inform Marriage Education” found that, “…marriage education may assist in the couples’ identification of factors that enhance and hinder their relationship. Furthermore, couples may be able to apply this knowledge to make lasting changes in their relationships.”

So we ask you—why not try it? Why not start your marriage off with the tools to enhance your relationship? Why not identify possible roadblocks and ways to overcome them? Any married couple will tell you marriage isn’t easy, but it can be an easier, happier, and more fulfilling experience through premarital counseling. 

What Kind of Questions Are Asked in Pre-Marriage Counseling?

To get started with our 50 relationship counseling questions, let’s check out some of the more common pre-marriage counseling questions for couples we like to ask at Well Marriage Center:

  • When you are about to see your partner, what thoughts and feelings go through your mind?
  • If you had to name your partner’s top three dreams or aspirations, what would they be?
  • How important is wealth to you, and how do you feel about debt?
  • What are your plans for financing large purchases, such as a house, cars, or your children’s college education? 
  • How do you plan to budget and organize your money? For example, will you keep separate or joint accounts?
  • Do you have any retirement plans currently in place? And how are you planning for retirement together as a couple?
  • What rituals do you currently have, like date nights, daily routines, weekend getaways, or vacations? And how have you shared these rituals with one another? 
  • How do you currently celebrate special occasions now, like anniversaries or holidays? And how would you like to blend or take part in those traditions together? For example, if your extended families live far apart, how will you choose where to spend time for major holidays?
  • How do you plan to sustain intimacy throughout your relationships? 
  • How would you describe your sexual needs and desires, and are there specific ways you’d like your partner to meet those needs?
  • Are you both on the same page when it comes to having children? If you want children, how many would you like to have? If infertility is an issue, how do you plan to address that?
  • What is your sense of humor like? Does your partner experience humor in the same way?
  • How do you plan to divide household chores?
  • Do you both have the same values or religious beliefs? If not, how do you plan to navigate those differences?
  • What does “infidelity” or “cheating” mean to you, and what are your fears or expectations about this in your relationship? 

Pre-Marriage Counseling Tips

Coming to premarital counseling having done your research is a great way to start the process. You’ll have time to consider questions beforehand and know what to expect. During the actual counseling session, here are some other tips to keep in mind:

  • Seek to know each other deeply. When we’re dating someone, we have a tendency to be on our best behavior. But nobody is perfect, and everyone has flaws and weaknesses. Use premarital counseling as an opportunity to understand each other on a more meaningful level—the good and challenging parts!
  • Make sure you address the big stuff. Money, sex, children, religion, substance abuse, politics—these areas can create serious problems if you and your partner have different viewpoints. For example, if your partner is a practicing Buddhist and you’re an atheist, or you’re a recovering alcoholic and your partner drinks regularly—these are not necessarily deal breakers, but they are definitely issues that should be addressed and fleshed out before marriage.
  • Don’t ignore any nagging feelings. You may learn things about your partner you didn’t know before, and anything that bothers you now will no doubt continue to bother you as time goes on. If something new comes up and it worries you, premarital counseling is the perfect place to address it. 

Marriage Counseling and Couples Therapy

The topics addressed in marriage counseling (aka “couples therapy”) are usually a bit different than premarital counseling. Newer relationships can use premarital counseling to fully discover and understand one another, while married couples or those in a committed, long-term relationship might be past the discovery stage and looking to find their way back to one another. 

However, many of the themes in both types of counseling are the same. Both seek to address potential or present issues, overcome those challenges, and prevent them in the future. We see married and unmarried couples at Well Marriage Center looking for proactive ways to make their relationship better.

What Are Some Couples Counseling First Session Questions?

The questions and discussions topics in your first counseling session will allow your counselor to get to know you and your partner. Even as you answer these icebreaker questions, though, your counselor will be observing how you interact with one another to better inform their advice and approach in future therapy sessions.

At Well Marriage Center, all of our first sessions are extended to 90 minutes, since our counselors will need a little extra time to get to know you and your partner. In that initial session, your Well Marriage Center counselor will begin with a structured relationship strengths and wellness assessment. We like to think of it as starting on a positive note to remind you both what brought you together in the first place. The following sessions will dig progressively deeper, but that first session is a time for discovery between you and your counselor—and you and your partner.

Curious about the kinds of questions to expect during your first session? Here are a few your counselor may start with:

  • What is the story on how the two of you met
  • What initially attracted you to each other
  • What were some of your initial “admirations” of each other
  • What are 3 good times you’ve had together…and what made them good
  • In general, how would you describe your life and marriage together?
  • What does the timeline of your relationship look like? Can you tell me about major life events (new jobs, traumas, kids, etc.) from when you first met up through present day
  • What strengths do you bring to the table in your relationship? And what strengths do you think your partner has? 
  • Do you have any prior experience with marriage counseling or other types of therapy?
  • What made you decide to seek marriage counseling?
  • Have you tried anything to resolve present issues before seeking counseling? What did you try and how did that go?
  • What do you expect to get out of couples therapy?
  • Do you currently want to stay with your partner? Why or why not?
  • Are you willing to put in the work and make changes to improve the quality of your marriage?

What Do Couples Talk About in Marriage Counseling?

The good—but sometimes tough—talks can begin once you and your partner have brought your counselor up to speed. However, answering the question of “What do you talk about during marriage counseling?” is a little challenging due to the varying needs of each couple. 

Every counselor will have their own couples therapy techniques to better understand their clients and get to the root of each problem. These techniques might include answering basic questions that prompt discussion, taking turns to be active listeners, engaging in activities to reveal new things about your relationship, and more.

Ultimately, depending on which counselor you work with and the particular nature of your relationship, every discussion in couples therapy will be unique. And because each counselor will work a little differently, you might find that one counselor is a better fit over another. That’s okay! If one therapist isn’t working out, it doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed or all hope is lost. It simply means another counselor may have a different approach that works better for you and your partner. 

What Questions Are Asked in Couples Therapy?

Even though every couples therapy session will look a little different from couple to couple, there are some general questions you will likely work through as your counseling sessions progress, like:

  • What made you fall in love with your partner originally? And why do you think your partner fell in love with you? 
  • What are the biggest similarities between you and your partner? And what are the biggest differences?  
  • If you could resolve any of your relationship problems in an instant, which problem would you choose? 
  • Think about your communication with your partner when you’re experiencing different emotions—happiness, sadness, anger, fear, disappointment, etc. How does this affect your and your partner’s ability to communicate? 
  • What are some ways that you show your partner you care, love, and appreciate them? How do you feel they demonstrate this back to you?
  • What is your favorite and least favorite childhood memory? Do you know your partner’s favorite and least favorite childhood memory?
  • Do you ever find yourself lying awake at night thinking about your relationship? If so, what is the number one thing that crosses your mind?
  • How would you describe your sex life? Is there anything your partner could do to make your sexual relationship better? What have you done to improve sex in your marriage?
  • If your partner does something that bothers you, how do you address that with them? And when your partner brings up issues they may have with you, how do you handle or act on that? 
  • Does your partner treat you with the level of respect you desire? Is it the same, better, or worse than the beginning of your relationship? Why do you think that is?
  • Are there any dreams you or your partner have yet to accomplish? If so, what’s stopping you from accomplishing them?
  • Have there been any times in your relationship where you felt you could not be your genuine self? Why did you feel that way?
  • Do you and your partner enjoy any activities or shared hobbies together? Are there any that you do alone? And do you like having your own hobbies, or do you like to share them with your partner? 
  • Which topic or area do you have the most trouble opening up about with your partner? Why do you think that is? 

What Are Questions to Ask During Marriage Counseling to Your Counselor?

Therapy is always a two way street—between you and your partner, but also between you and your counselor. Don’t be afraid to ask your therapist questions before starting counseling and during your sessions. Here are some questions that you might want to consider asking your therapist at different points during your counseling journey:

  • What is your education, training, and background as a marriage counselor?
  • How many years of experience do you have, including the required supervised clinical experience you had to complete to obtain your license?
  • Are you a licensed clinical social worker, licensed marriage and family therapist, licensed professional counselor, or something else? And how does this background influence your work?
  • How many couples do you see a week? Have you made couples counseling your sole speciality?
  • Do you have any client testimonials or stories you can share with us?
  • What’s the average number of therapy sessions your successful clients go through? And how many would you recommend for us after understanding our present issues and goals?
  • Do you feel that we are making progress? Why or why not?
  • Are there additional resources you offer that we can take advantage of along with attending counseling sessions?

How Do You Have a Successful Marriage Counseling Session? Try Well Marriage Center

Trust us, we get it—relationships today face numerous hurdles, expectations, and pressures. With so much negativity weighing down on us everyday, our counselors like to take a positive, pro-relationship approach to couples therapy sessions. This means we focus on the good that you bring to your relationship, how to harness your strengths, and ultimately advocate for a successful marriage. 

With this approach, we have found our clients spend less time in therapy and can more effectively navigate relationship challenges. Our experienced and licensed counselors have a wide variety of techniques and marriage counseling questions to strengthen your relationship, tailoring every experience to your unique story.  

If you’re ready to take that first step, start by filling out our short intake form and setting up a consultation with our Intake Coordinator, Melinda. She is happy to answer any questions you may have, walk you through the process, and ensure you are connected with the best counselor for your needs. 

Is couples therapy easy? No—it takes work from both sides. But is it worth it for a happier, stronger, and healthier relationship? Absolutely. 


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How Long Is Too Long for Couples Therapy?

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It can be intimidating and scary to join the 49% of couples who attend marriage counseling (or to be part of the 52% who are interested in trying it). Whether you’re currently going to sessions or considering starting, you may be wondering how long this process will take. What’s the average length of marriage counseling? Can you stay in couples therapy too long? 

Don’t worry! All your questions will be answered. From our experience working with over 15,000 couples here at Well Marriage Center, we know that the topic of couples counseling can be sensitive, especially when the stakes feel so high. Let’s get started with some of the most common questions about couples counseling. 

Note: At Well Marriage Center, we use the terms “marriage counseling,” “couples counseling,” and “couples therapy” interchangeably, and we offer our services to any couple—regardless of their marital status. The term “marriage” can be exclusionary or uncomfortable, and we aim to provide an environment that’s welcoming to all couples. What matters most is you, your relationship, and your desire to rediscover joy with your partner.

How Long Do Couples Usually Go to Therapy?

In general, the average length of couples therapy that we see at Well Marriage Center is 12-25 sessions. This takes place over the course of 4 to 10 months. However, the specific number of how many marriage counseling sessions are needed will be determined by your therapist, your unique relationship, and how you and your partner are progressing. Each individual session is typically around the 50 minute mark, although this will vary depending on your therapist.

How Long Is Too Long for Marriage Counseling?

There really isn’t an exact answer to this question because every relationship is different, and every marriage counseling provider has a different approach based on each couple’s unique needs. It’s also important to keep the end goal in mind: a healthy, thriving relationship. Couples therapy is typically designed to be a shorter-term commitment, as opposed to individual therapy, which many people benefit from attending for years. If you’re worried about  couples therapy dragging on forever, be sure to ask your provider about the timeline. 

If you’re feeling like you have been in couples therapy for too long, be sure to consider if you have met your end goal. Have you and your partner learned and implemented communication skills? Are there any unresolved trust or commitment issues lingering? Have you addressed the problems that brought you to couples counseling in the first place? Has your therapist given any guidelines or suggested a potential end goal?

If you and your partner are confident that you have met your end goal, then it’s definitely appropriate to have a conversation with your counselor about wrapping up your sessions. However, if there is still work to be done, then you may want to consider trying a different approach or provider. 

How Long To Try Marriage Counseling Before Divorce

Here at Well Marriage, our focus is on helping couples find their way back to each other. When you’re in the midst of a relationship with serious challenges, we know it can feel overwhelming or even impossible to heal and restore things. But rest assured—there is hope! Our counselors practice pro-relationship counseling, an approach that prioritizes the revitalization of your relationship. We’ve seen so many couples who are convinced they are on the road to splitting up realize through the process of couples therapy that their journey together isn’t over yet. 

When To Stop Marriage Counseling

No matter if you call it “marriage counseling” or “couples therapy,” the fact is that your sessions are not going to last forever. There will come a point where you and your partner have learned how to communicate better and are building a healthy relationship together. In general, look for signs that marriage counseling is working: 

  • You and your partner don’t have as much conflict
  • You have great communication strategies in place (and are practicing them!)
  • You’ve settled on realistic solutions to issues
  • Your relationship is happier and healthier

Your goals will vary, of course, and it’s also a fantastic idea to talk with your counselor about when to stop marriage counseling. After all, they want the same thing that you do—a thriving relationship. The goal of couples therapy isn’t to stay in couples therapy forever, so it’s completely appropriate to ask your therapist about the process and what signals they look for. 

Is It Worth Going to Couples Therapy?

Absolutely! In fact, we think it’s one of the most beneficial steps you can take for your relationship. We believe that almost every relationship can be transformed into a vibrant partnership, as long as both people are willing to put in the work. 

Often people ask things like, “can couples therapy save my relationship?” It’s important to remember that there are so many variables involved, and every relationship will be different. Because of this, it’s difficult to properly assess the effectiveness of couples therapy and impossible to answer this question with a direct yes or no. However, one study found that going through couples counseling can improve outcomes for couples, like relationship satisfaction, communication skills, and general well-being. 

Well Marriage: Couples Therapy Customized for You

Through our experiences at Well Marriage Center, we’ve seen incredible results time after time. We specialize in couples and use a variety of techniques to meet the needs of each unique relationship. Our counselors use empirically-backed approaches and interventions like:

  • Dr. Ellyn Bader – Developmental Model of Couples Therapy (our personal favorite)
  • Dr. John Gottman – Gottman Institute
  • Dr. Sue Johnson – Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
  • Dr. Harville Hendrix – Imago Therapy
  • Dr. Esther Perel – Eroticism and Desire
  • Dr. Terry Real – Relational Life Institute

We’ll work closely with you to make sure that your couples therapy is the right length and uses techniques that are fitted to your relationship goals and challenges.  If you’re interested in learning more, we invite you to privately explore our website and learn more about what we offer, where we’re located, and what our services cost. 


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Average Length of Marriage Counseling

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There’s no sugar-coating it—successful relationships sometimes require genuinely hard work. In some cases, adding the pressures of married life (not to mention kids, a lost job, family tragedy, and so on) to the mix can create new challenges for an otherwise healthy-enough seeming couple, or exacerbate those that already exist. The good news is that help is available in the form of marriage counseling. But how do you know if marriage counseling is really worth it? How much time and effort does the process require? And can you expect to find a better, healthier relationship on the other side, or is there a chance you’ll find yourselves just spinning your wheels without seeing real progress?

At Well Marriage Center, we understand these anxieties and want to help couples of all types to rediscover the joys of a healthy relationship. We’ve put this particular blog together to help you answer some of the most common questions we hear from couples considering counseling who want to make sure they get their money’s worth and, more importantly, improve their relationships. 

In this piece, we’ll not only answer the question of how long marriage counseling tends to take—we’ll also provide you with some pointers to ensure that if you commit to counseling you’ll have a positive and productive experience.

How Do You Know When It’s Time for Couples Counseling?

While every relationship is as unique as the two individuals themselves, it’s worth knowing the types of signs that your marriage or relationship could benefit from counseling. There are many, many factors that can create relationship problems, but here are a few of the most common, foundational signs that your relationship might be improved through counseling:

  • Communication is breaking down (or has been broken for a while): A huge subset of marriage problems center around issues related to communication. When couples lose the ability to consistently engage in open, honest communication, it can exacerbate existing issues, create new issues, or both. A major component of marriage counseling is the re-opening of communication channels and the development of healthier communication methods. 
  • You’ve lost that loving feeling: For many couples, changes to how they demonstrate affection and cultivate intimacy can signal one or more issues. For example, perhaps one partner withholds affection or allows resentment to fester. Maybe it’s gotten to the point that one or more partners is considering infidelity as a means of fulfilling their needs for intimacy and security. Even at this stage, counseling can help repair relationships.
  • Trust has eroded: Once one partner begins to lose trust in the other—whether due to infidelity or other factors—it can become a slippery slope toward conflict and divorce. Negative feelings can quickly snowball, especially when they’re not properly explored, expressed, and worked through. In these situations, a marriage counselor can help reset the dynamic nature of a partnership, build new foundations for communication and trust, and lay the groundwork for a better, happier relationship.

When Do Most Couples Consider Marriage Counseling?

All too often, couples begin marriage counseling weeks, months, or even years after problems begin to emerge within the relationship. This is perfectly understandable, as it can be difficult to know (in the present) whether relationship issues are serious or not. It can also be difficult from an emotional standpoint to acknowledge that there are problems in the relationship. Finally, especially for those who have never experienced any form of professional counseling before, it can be an intimidating prospect. The time component can seem overwhelming, as can the anxiety of delving into deeply personal, emotional matters. This is where humanity’s well-documented “fear of the unknown” comes into play, as well. 

All of that being said, when it really comes down to it, according to the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, most couples aren’t exactly prompt in seeking out counseling at the first signs of marital issues. In fact, most couples wait two years from the onset of a problem. That’s two years for issues to manifest even more deeply, and for the relationship to potentially become even more damaged. The good news is, there’s no time like the present to take the first step in healing the relationship by connecting with a marriage counselor. 

Should Every Couple Go To Therapy?

No, we don’t believe every couple necessarily needs therapy—but we also don’t necessarily think it could hurt. However, we understand that there’s a certain stigma around couples therapy and marriage counseling when private thoughts question whether the fact that you’re considering therapy means your relationship has failed. It doesn’t! 

Even couples—including married couples—who would say their relationship is good (if not great) could potentially benefit from the communication and trust-building strategies that come with counseling. It’s also worth noting that Well Marriage Center also offers premarital counseling, which can help couples strengthen their relationship (prior to getting married) by establishing a solid foundation for communication and openness.

Is It Appropriate To Undergo Marriage Counseling When You Want a Divorce?

It’s absolutely appropriate! Just because one or both of you might be considering divorce, it doesn’t mean the marriage is a lost cause. If both parties are open to reconciliation and willing to put in the work, marriage counseling can be a relationship-saver, especially with a pro-relationship counseling approach (like Well Marriage Center’s).

How Long Should Marriage Counseling Last?

While many variables may impact how long a specific couple spends with their marriage counselor, you can generally expect, on average, anywhere from 12 to 25 counseling sessions. These will normally start off with a discovery-based focus, with the counselor asking baseline-type questions to better understand the relationship’s strengths and weaknesses. From there, individual sessions can be more tactical, working through specific problems and developing patterns for better relationship-building.  

What Is the Average Length of Counseling Sessions, and How Frequently Do They Occur?

Counseling sessions typically last for around 50 minutes, and they’re often scheduled on a weekly basis to start and eventually move to twice a month and then just once a month. This frequency allows us to spread out the course of counseling (keeping it more affordable) and stay with you longer, anywhere from 4 to 10 months. A counselor will often work with you to determine a cadence that will fit the participants’ schedules.

What Percentage of Marriages Survive After Counseling?

If you’re one of the many people or couples asking yourself questions like “Does marriage counseling work?” and “Is marriage counseling worth it?” then this section’s for you. 

If you’re particularly results-driven, you’re probably wondering, “What percentage of marriages survive after counseling?” Fortunately, counseling does work a majority of the time. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, 90% of counseling clients report an improvement in their emotional health after receiving treatment. More specific to the marriage counseling success rate, over 75% of marital or family therapy clients report an improvement in their relationship as a result of counseling.

What Factors Impact the Length of Counseling?

For many people considering counseling, the time component is just one piece of the puzzle. In reality, several distinct factors impact how long a particular couple may need to attend marriage counseling. Of these, one of the most important is how well the counselor and participants establish rapport and trust. When a trusting bond is established early on, individual sessions can focus on specific, relevant topics, prioritized by importance. With that in mind, then, let’s next explore a few variables related to both the counselor and the participants. 

What To Look for in a Marriage Counselor

Signs of a Good Couples Therapist

A good couples therapist or marriage counselor is an advocate for repairing and strengthening relationships (as opposed to throwing in the towel). At Well Marriage Center, our counselors practice what’s called pro-relationship marriage counseling (as opposed to marriage-neutral counseling). This means our number one goal is to help couples stay together. This approach helps alleviate some of the anxiety couples might feel toward counseling, where they fear that counseling might make the relationship worse—if not lead to divorce. You can learn more about our Wellness Model here. 

Additional signs of a good couples therapist or marriage counselor include:

  • A specialization (supported by specific training) in relationships and marriages
  • An approach that focuses on couples succeeding and staying together
  • Experience working with different types of marital problems
  • A communication style that is relatable and builds trust

Signs of a Bad Marriage Counselor

To be effective in their work, a marriage counselor needs to be able to build trust with their clients, ask probing questions, listen carefully, and get to the root of their problems. In other words, just like in a marriage, communication is key to the counselor-participant relationship. Without open communication, the possibility of positive outcomes greatly decreases. 

Additional signs of a bad, or ineffective, couples therapist or marriage counselor include:

  • An over-reliance of jargon, rather than personalized communication
  • Jumping to premature, general-type conclusions or making recommendations before hearing the whole story of each participant’s experiences
  • A lack of concrete, actionable information/perspectives
  • A lack of demonstrable progress or defined goals after multiple sessions

Ultimately, even the most highly-qualified and well-intentioned marriage counselor is going to struggle to make headway if one or more of the participants is unwilling or unable to participate constructively. To improve the chances of success, then, it’s also important that you’ve prepared your heart and mind for the difficult but important work of strengthening the relationship. 

How To Prepare for Couples Counseling

As with any type of therapy or counseling, what you bring to the process certainly impacts what you’ll get out of it. Even the best marriage counselor can’t help an individual (or couple) who is unwilling to open their heart and mind to be present and engage with the process. If even one partner closes off or becomes antagonistic, it can wreck the process (and even the marriage). So, how should you prepare for marriage counseling,  to maximize the time? Here’s a brief overview of what to know before going to couples therapy, so you can make the most of the opportunities it presents.

Get yourself mentally ready. It would be inappropriate for us to claim that marriage counseling is going to be a breeze. The truth is, an effective counselor is going to broach some difficult topics and ask some tough questions. Especially if you’ve never worked with a therapist or counselor before, this can be uncomfortable and intimidating. This is why it’s important to mentally prepare, not just for an individual session but for the overall, ongoing counseling experience as well. 

Sort out your thoughts and feelings. For many married couples who take the step to work with a marriage counselor, it can feel overwhelming to get your thoughts together. It’s also very normal for participants to think about their relationship outside the confines of their counseling sessions. To ensure that nothing too important slips through the cracks, a counselor might recommend personal journaling throughout the week, so you can come to the next session with specific things you want to ask or talk about, new insights or revelations, and so on.

Familiarize yourself with the counselor’s approach. As you start to learn more about your counselor’s general approach, you can better anticipate what to expect in future sessions. This should not only reduce anxiety, but help make the most of your time with the therapist or counselor as well.

Have realistic expectations. Nothing is necessarily guaranteed in this life, so while we want clients to be optimistic about counseling outcomes, we also know it’s best for you to expect growth and improvement, not an immediate, 180-degree turnaround. This is especially true for ongoing, persistent issues. It can be difficult work, but it can also be truly transformative. At Well Marriage Center, we’ve seen couples who thought all hope was lost find their way back to one another.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. All too often, marriage counseling participants feel like the counselor is the one who should be asking all the questions. This simply isn’t the case. While you obviously shouldn’t interrupt the counselor or disrupt the flow of the conversation with random questions that cross your mind, you should certainly ask any questions that might help you to better engage with and understand the counseling approach.

When your partner shares, keep an open mind/heart—and assume positive intent. Just as important as it is to begin the counseling process with an open mind, you should also make sure to assume the best possible intention(s) of your partner and counselor, too. This means, for example, taking your partner’s contributions at face value—assuming that they, like you, are there to put in the work and save the marriage.

What Makes Well Marriage Center’s Pro-Relationship  Counseling Work So Well?

At Well Marriage Center, we provide a strengths-based, pro-relationship approach to counseling. This means getting to know our clients and their relationships, exploring root issues, developing effective communication, and providing personalized counseling recommendations. 

It all begins with the understanding that no two couples are the same. That’s why our process builds its foundation on a relationship’s strengths and works to develop those strengths into better, healthier relationships. Here’s how our process works:

  • First, you’ll schedule an initial appointment with one of our counselors. Rather than asking vague questions like “What seems to be the problem today?”, we instead start with a structured assessment to identify strengths and weaknesses in the relationship. This, then, provides the foundation for further sessions, in which identified strengths can be further developed into the fabric of the relationship.
  • Next, our team will create a customized plan around your goals. Leveraging our experience working with over 12,000 couples, we focus on relationship science. Based on what’s working in the relationship—and what you want to improve—we’re uniquely trained to adjust and improve the course of counseling as needed.
  • Finally, we’ll work together to establish specific relationship objectives and develop an action plan. This might mean identifying and then working through how to interrupt toxic cycles a relationship might be stuck in, or remedy an uneven dynamic. Or, it might mean recapturing—and then maintaining—the relationship’s original spark. It could also mean digging deeply into specific traumas that might be impacting the quality of the relationship. 

If you’re ready to start the process of finding your way back to each other, the first step’s easy. You’ll simply need to fill out our short Intake Form, and then set up an appointment with Melinda, our Intake Coordinator. She’ll help to answer any questions you have and connect you with a therapist in your area who is available to work with you.  


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