Posts

Can a Marriage Survive Lack of Communication?

in , , ,

Are you struggling to have conversations with your partner? Even with the small things, it can feel pretty overwhelming and lonely when there is no communication in a relationship. The fact is, relationship communication helps build a foundation for you and your partner to succeed together. 

While there are several solutions to the lack of communication in marriage or relationship, it’s important to understand what causes these issues in the first place and how to move past them. Let’s look at how you can identify communication problems in your marriage and how to address them.

What Causes Lack of Communication in Marriage?

There are several reasons why communication can suffer in a relationship. Whether it’s using different types of communication in marriage, having different goals, or even stress, identifying the root of your communication issues is important. What are some of the common causes in detail?

  • Different communication styles can lead to misunderstandings when trying to talk about any concerns regarding your relationship. People communicate in four different ways: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive. If you are aggressive and loud, while your partner is passive and quiet, it can be difficult to connect on a deeper level. In fact, this can even increase conflict between you and your partner. You should take the time to understand both your and your partner’s communication styles, so you can adjust your approach accordingly. It’s also important to note that these styles develop in childhood, and can be difficult to change without a therapist.
  • Lack of emotional intimacy can lead to an emotional disconnection—which can compel a partner to stonewall or avoid conversations in general. Whether there is a fear of vulnerability or simply a difficulty finding quality time with your partner, when there is emotional detachment, it can be hard to have intimacy. You and your partner can address this by providing daily affirmations and compliments, engaging in physical intimacy, and spending intentional one-on-one time together.
  • Different expectations or goals in your relationship might make it hard to connect with your partner. If the problem is financial, family-driven, or caused by other factors, having different expectations can hurt your relationship. If you and your partner practice compassion and consider each other’s feelings and perspectives, you’ll find you can compromise. Ultimately, it’s clear that if you show respect, you’ll likely get respect in return. 
  • Stress can make it tedious for anyone to communicate effectively. Sometimes outside influences, like work or an illness in the family, can be the problem. But it’s also important to recognize that arguments and neglect, even lack of sleep, can increase stress in a relationship. Make sure you and your partner are there for each other—ask how you can help and listen to their needs. Work together on reducing stressors in both your lives, and within the relationship as well.
  • Lack of trust or security affects how you and your partner communicate. Without trust, it can be difficult to be open and honest with one another. If you both can acknowledge concerns that lead to lowered trust, as well as make each other feel secure, you’ll find that your trust can be rebuilt. Once this line of communication is reopened, it will be easier to vocalize your feelings and concerns.
  • Physical or mental health issues are an unfortunate part of living and they can take a toll on partners. On one hand, a partner struggling with these ailments can have a difficult time connecting with the other. On the other hand, a partner helping take care of the person struggling can find it to be incredibly overwhelming. Setting boundaries and creating a wellness plan are a few ways to help alleviate some of the stressors regarding health issues.

 

While there can be several reasons for the lack of communication in a relationship, in the end, it is important that you’re able to voice your concerns with your partner. Whether that’s with the help of a licensed therapist or through exercises at home, you’ll discover a deeper understanding of your partner and issues that lead to poor communication. At Well Marriage Center, you’ll find help restoring your relationship while addressing any concerns you may have as a couple. Even deep-seated problems can be turned around by focusing on your strengths as a couple. 

How Many Marriages Fail Because of Lack of Communication?

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) found that 67.5% of unsuccessful marriages were the result of poor communication or a lack of communication skills. It can be argued that this is because lasting connections are built and maintained using effective communication. Unfortunately, misunderstandings and dissatisfaction can develop when there’s a breakdown in communication between partners. Those issues can also lead to feelings of detachment and discontent.

However, it’s crucial to keep in mind that unresolved issues, like lack of trust or disagreements, are frequently connected to communication problems in relationships. That’s to say, poor communication isn’t the source of the problem, but rather a byproduct of something deeper. Fortunately, it’s more than possible for couples to address any underlying challenges and concentrate on strengthening their communication. That’s where Well Marriage Center comes in. We can help you address any unresolved issues that you’re facing as a couple by focusing on what you’re doing right to boost your confidence and rekindle the flame. 

How Can We Solve Poor Communication in Marriage?

If you’re looking for ways to improve communication in marriage, speaking with a licensed marriage counselor is a step in the right direction. At Well Marriage Center, we specialize in strength-based therapy, which focuses on identifying and building upon your strengths as a couple. We believe that by highlighting the positive aspects of your relationship, we can help you overcome communication barriers and create a stronger, more fulfilling marriage. 

Don’t let poor communication stop you and your partner from trying to connect. If you feel like your relationship has hit a roadblock and communication has become burdensome, set up an appointment today with our intake coordinator, Melinda.

 

Get Started

 

 

How Can I Improve Communication with My Husband or Wife?

in , , , ,

Improving relationship communication isn’t easy, but it is doable with the right steps. If you’ve been researching answers for any of the following challenges, then you’re already on the right path.

  • How do I fix poor communication in my marriage?
  • I don’t know how to communicate with my husband
  • I don’t know how to communicate with my wife

That’s because the first step in any solution to lack of communication in marriage is acknowledging the problem and wanting to solve it. In this blog, we explore ways to communicate better with your partner, whether they’re withdrawn, aggressive, or somewhere in between.

What Causes Poor Communication in a Marriage?

A wide variety of factors can contribute to poor communication in a marriage, including:

  • Lack of dedicated time to communicate one-on-one
  • Unhealed trauma from childhood or past relationships
  • Mental health challenges, like anxiety and depression
  • Lack of healthy and productive communication skills

These contributing factors aren’t always obvious. Sometimes, you may just get the sense that communication with your partner is off. In situations like this, it can help to start with the signs of poor communication and work backwards to find the root cause.

Examples of Poor Communication

Here are some signals that you and your partner need to improve your communication skills:

  • Lack of compromise
  • Consistent interrupting
  • Aggressive communication styles
  • Placing blame
  • Fear of sharing true feelings
  • Assuming the worst intentions from your partner
  • The silent treatment
  • Deflecting difficult conversations with humor

If you notice any of the above signs in your marriage, then there are steps you can take to improve communication with your partner. Fortunately, just because you notice communication challenges doesn’t necessarily mean that your marriage is in danger. Instead, you can take the opportunity to improve communication and your relationship.

Benefits of Healthy Communication

The benefits of healthy communication in a relationship include:

  • Better conflict resolution
  • Increased trust
  • Improved intimacy
  • Lower stress levels
  • Stronger sense of belonging to a team

Not sure where to start? Working with a marriage counselor can provide you and your partner a safe, neutral space to share your perspective. If expressing your feelings isn’t one of your (or your partner’s) strengths, that’s okay, too. At Well Marriage Center, our counselors guide couples through exercises that help you develop healthy communication skills. 

How Do I Deal with My Husband Who Doesn’t Want To Communicate (Or My Wife)?

If your partner doesn’t want to communicate, the first step is to understand why they are avoiding difficult conversations. Here are some common reasons why people shut down during confrontation:

  • They don’t know how to express themselves
  • They’re overwhelmed
  • They don’t want to escalate things or make them worse
  • The misinterpret needs or complaints as blame, and feel like a failure
  • Specific topics of confrontation may be triggers from their past

For many couples, it can be easy to blame gender for certain behaviors that make communication difficult. For example, boys are often raised to ignore vulnerable emotions, according to Psychology Today. These expectations lead to men who repress their feelings and rely on anger and frustration for emotional outlets. On the other hand, women may struggle with expressing their feelings because they can fear being labeled as “emotional” or “hysterical,” states a Forbes article that explores how women’s emotions are perceived in professional settings.

However, while societal expectations on gender and emotional expression can help identify why your partner has difficulty communicating, those expectations don’t tell the full story. Jumping to conclusions like “He doesn’t want to open up because he’s a man,” or “She’s only upset about this because she’s a woman” ignore the unique challenges that your spouse may be experiencing.

Working with a marriage counselor can help you and your partner explore the nuances of your communication barriers. Whether those challenges are from societal pressures, overwhelming responsibilities, underdeveloped communication skills, or other factors, the licensed professionals at Well Marriage Center are here to help improve the communication in your marriage.  

How To Communicate with Your Spouse when Angry

If you and your spouse are angry during a conversation, the most important steps to take are to:

  • Ensure your safety
  • Focus on de-escalation

Shouting matches can be frightening, and if either you or your spouse feel in danger, then effective communication will be impossible. If necessary, create physical space between you and your partner. Going to separate rooms may be enough, or one of you may need to leave the house for a walk or drive. In extreme cases, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233. More resources on our crisis links page here.)

When you feel safe, work on de-escalating the confrontation. During a shouting match, it’s natural to want to outdo your spouse and place blame or scream personal attacks. While doing so may release pent-up frustration in the short-term, it will only cause further challenges in the long-term. Instead, try to steer the conversation back to the problem rather than at one another. It’s also important to recognize how you and your partner process emotions. You may only need a few minutes to recenter, but your partner may need to sleep on it before they’re ready to revisit the conversation.

Setting aside time and space to have difficult conversations can also help prevent outbursts because you are both starting from a place of cooperation rather than a fight. Working with a marriage counselor is an effective way to work through challenges and build healthy communication skills in a safe, guided space.  

How To Start Communicating with Your Spouse Again

Improving communication with your spouse takes intentional effort from both people, and the following communication exercises for teams can be a great place to start:

  • Transition away from blaming your partner and express yourself with “I” statements
  • Give your partner several minutes at a time to express themselves to minimize interruptions
  • Include time for positive, light-hearted conversations so every interaction isn’t associated with hard work
  • Schedule regular time for difficult conversations so you have time to gather your thoughts
  • Get away from the distractions of your house to place focus on you, your partner, and the challenges you want to overcome together

At Well Marriage Center, we use these techniques and more to help you and your spouse find common ground again. We take a marriage-first approach, meaning that our goal is to guide you toward a happier and healthier relationship. Schedule an appointment and start improving communication in your marriage. 

 

Get Started

 

 

 

Solution to Lack of Communication in Marriage

in , , ,

From lack of listening to accusatory statements, resolving relationship communication issues is essential for couples to respect one another. Many couples list communication as a major problem when tension builds in their relationship and it’s easy to see how it can feel like the most prominent issue. But how can you address communication problems head-on? 

Let’s take a look: 

  • How to fix communication in a relationship in 10 steps
  • Signs of poor communication in marriage
  • Reasons for lack of communication in a relationship

It’s also important to note that, even though people often think the main problem is communication, it is typically not the most significant issue. There are usually deeper issues at play that show up through how we interact with our partners. Well Marriage Center can help you fix both communication and any other pressing underlying issues you might be experiencing. Let’s dive into solutions for poor communication.

How Do You Fix Lack of Communication in a Relationship?

Poor communication is a problem many couples face, but you can actively work to improve in many ways, including actively listening, being open and honest, and creating goals together. While finding a solution to communication problems in your marriage or relationship can be a challenge, there are a few things you can do to address the issues. And if you’re looking for advice on lack of communication in a relationship, we have a few steps you can take to start mending your relationship and communication errors:

1. Recognize Poor Communication

Pinpointing the areas in which you and your partner need better communication can be difficult. There’s usually a reason why couples struggle and it’s important to know exactly where and how you’re failing to communicate. However, it’s important to understand that passive aggressive behavior, ignoring your partner’s perspective, having cyclical arguments, and blaming one another for are all indicators of poor communication. Once you recognize that you’re struggling to communicate, you’ll be able to take steps to have a stronger connection with your partner. 

2. Find Similarities

You and your partner are a team, not rivals. If you’re struggling to communicate, it can be beneficial to ground your relationship in things where you share common perspectives. It’s okay if you disagree occasionally, but finding similarities in how you approach conversations and what those conversations are about is an important step in fixing communication issues. You might consider questions like:

  • What things are most important to you as a couple? 
  • What is the best way to approach a problem? 
  • What solutions do you agree work? 
  • How can you approach things you disagree on in a productive way?  

3. Be Open and Honest

It’s not easy being vulnerable with people, but that shouldn’t be the case with your partner. Having a safe space where you can be open and honest about any concerns is essential for a supportive and strong relationship. Honesty is the bedrock of successful relationships, and if you don’t feel safe sharing your honest perspective, it will be difficult to feel secure in your partnership. Of course, it’s not a one way street. You should also be taking steps to make your partner feel comfortable as well. 

4. Actively Listen

Having a conversation isn’t always about talking about your own feelings and perspectives. You also need to learn to actively listen to your partner. According to Psychology Today, “Active listening is about making a conscious decision to hear what people are saying. It’s about being completely focused on others—their words and their messages—without being distracted.” That means listening to understand rather than to respond. If you’re only waiting to hear where you can interject, you’re not listening to what they’re saying. Formulating your response while they’re talking leads to trouble communicating in the future, as they might not want to be vulnerable if you’re not listening.

5. Set Clear Boundaries

Sometimes, one partner can cross boundaries and they might not even know it. It’s important for couples to set clear boundaries when they’re trying to communicate better, because it provides a line in the sand that you should not cross. If a boundary for your partner is time between a frustrating or tense situation, it’s best to give them space to work through their emotions before you start a conversation. Once you cross a partner’s boundaries, it can lead to more built up tensions, resentment, and even silence between each other. Boundaries need to be respected by both partners to ensure more effective communication.

6. Create Goals and Compromise

It’s always better to set goals for you to strive for as a couple. How do you handle money? What does your partner need to feel safe? Do you feel comfortable giving something up to help your partner feel comfortable? Once you both have goals in mind, you might have to compromise a bit to get what you both need, but ultimately it will give you something to work toward. This helps you approach any conflicts as a team and sets a baseline for what is expected.

7. Use “I” Statements

When you’re in the heat of the moment, it can be easy to use accusatory statements like “You never talk to me when you’re with your friends!” The best way to approach conversations with a partner is to use “I” statements. In this instance, try saying “I feel worried when you don’t text me that you’re safe when you’re out with your friends.” Phrasing your concerns this way frames your feelings as the focal point, rather than telling your partner what you think they’re doing wrong. 

8. Be Present

Being present during communication with your partner means you need to be in the moment while having conversations, rather than having your mind on other things. Without being present, it is easy to gloss over important issues or information that could help you and your partner work together through an issue. This doesn’t mean you listen to respond, but actively listening is a large part of being present during conversations. You should know your partner’s concerns and how they would like things to change and respond with meaningful solutions or questions.

9. Choose the Right Time

Not every time is the right time to bring up an issue with your partner. Even if you’ve had an argument recently, sometimes people need space to think about how to approach a conversation. It’s also not beneficial to start difficult conversations in public settings or around other people. Choosing the right time means starting the conversation when it is best for both parties, even if that means waiting for longer than you’d like. 

10. Check In Regularly

It can be beneficial for some couples to check in—or do a temperature check—to see how the other person is feeling, address any concerns, and discuss any solutions if needed. Giving your partner the time and space in regular intervals to speak with you is important to stop any anger or resentment from building up.

While there are several ways to improve communication in a relationship, it’s important to take the first step into healing, which can start with couples therapy. With a marriage counselor, like those at Well Marriage Center, you can focus on not only the misunderstandings you might have with your partner, but also the underlying causes of your communication problems. With a focus on amplifying your strengths as a couple, you can rebuild your relationship on a solid foundation.

What Is Normal Communication in a Relationship?

Because every couple is different, there is no “normal” communication. But all communication should be respectful, open and honest, and considerate of both partners. Without giving both people the opportunity to speak their perspective, it becomes a one-sided conversation, which won’t resolve any problems. Not only that, but you should both be able to say how you feel without the other person feeling unsafe or unheard. 

But how can you tell when you and your partner are having communication problems? 

What Are Signs of Bad Communication in a Marriage?

Bad communication can show itself in many forms, like passive aggressiveness, ignoring and stonewalling, and rehashing arguments. Because everyone communicates in a different way, it’s not always easy to be on the same page with your spouse. But poor communication in a relationship can have serious repercussions. Couples that don’t use effective communication techniques may suffer with intimacy, disagreements, and relationship growth. You might notice that you’re gradually drifting apart from your partner when you have problems connecting with one another through communication.

It’s important to identify the areas that need improvement before you start to work on your communications skills. So what are signs of bad communication in a relationship you and your spouse should look out for?

1. Displaying Passive Aggressive Behavior

If one person in a relationship continuously displays passive aggressive behavior, you might find it difficult to have direct and open communication. When someone is passive aggressive, they have a tendency to express negative emotions indirectly rather than clearly—like saying, “No, I’m fine,” instead of communicating their concerns or needs. According to the Mayo Clinic, when someone responds this way, it can lead to resentment of each other and opposition to expectations. It’s also stated that passive aggression leads to “resistance to cooperation, procrastination and intentional mistakes in response to others’ demands.” When a partner is passive aggressive, it can greatly halt communication and take significant time to overcome problems.

2. Ignoring Your Partner’s Perspective

If you or your partner do not listen to each other’s perspective during a heated discussion, it’s difficult to take their feelings into consideration. How does it make them feel? What solution do they think is best? How can you make them feel more comfortable? No one is always right, but understanding how your partner views the situation or problem is essential to finding a solution. The Gottman Institute emphasizes that you and your partner are on the same team and both of your feelings are valid. Once you consider their perspective, you can begin to bridge the gap. 

3. Rehashing Arguments

When things don’t change, it can feel like you and your partner are recycling the same argument over and over. Unfortunately, it’s been shown that 69% of conflicts aren’t resolved between couples experiencing disagreements. While it’s possible the issue stems from “fundamental differences in your personalities that repeatedly create conflict or fundamental differences in your lifestyle needs,” these cyclical arguments can indicate that couples have difficulty implementing solutions. If you’re rehashing arguments, it’s important to stop and listen to one another and come up with a solution that is beneficial to both parties.

4. Blaming and Deflecting Responsibility

Blaming a partner for issues in your relationship can get overwhelming fairly quickly. While it’s not helpful to say, “It’s your fault,” it might be difficult to let go of resentment against your partner. Blaming can also lead to triggering your partner, introducing unrealistic expectations, and highlighting emotional immaturity. In most situations, both partners contribute to a problem. It’s important to recognize your part in the issue and not just what you think your partner has done. Not only is it important to have an open dialogue, but you both should feel safe with each other, as partners and in conversations. If you or your partner don’t feel safe, then communication can quickly become you vs. them. 

5. Stonewalling Conversations

Communication isn’t successful if there’s no conversation to begin with. If you or your partner ignore the other person when an issue arises, it can prevent necessary discussions from happening. While some couples might have concerns about conversation dwindling over time, it’s always important to talk about any concerns or issues that arise. 

Of course these aren’t the only signals of bad communication between partners. If someone brings up past mistakes unrelated to the issue, starts yelling, or uses sarcasm, you might also find communication is difficult. At Well Marriage Center, we know that communication is an important concern couples have. But communication doesn’t have to be the root of the problem. In fact, more often than not there’s a deeper issue that needs to be addressed but can’t because of bad communication. Working with a licensed marriage counselor can help you identify and confront these issues with guidance in a safe space.

What Causes Lack of Communication in Marriage?

Communication can break down due to many issues, but typically it happens when partners have differing communication styles and expectations. Here are a few potential causes of poor communication between couples:

  • Having little one-on-one time to talk and listen
  • Lying frequently when questioned about problems
  • Avoiding discussion because attempts to communicate often result in confrontations
  • Lacking intimacy between partners emotionally and physically
  • Refusing to consider a partner’s perspective
  • Having unrealistic expectations of a partner’s ability to talk about issues

Unfortunately, the effects of lack of communication in a relationship can take a toll on you and your partner. You might be left unable to speak with your partner about anything, because you’re experiencing some of the lack of communication skills. At Well Marriage Center, you can focus on what’s most important to fix your communication and other significant issues that you face as a couple. 

How Does Lack of Communication Affect Marriage?

Being unable to communicate can lead to a poor and potentially damaged relationship. Being able to discuss and resolve issues in a healthy way is essential to maintaining a long-lasting and happy marriage or relationship. Of course communication is rarely the main issue couples face; it can be a symptom of other underlying issues, like past traumas, lack of trust or, holding resentment. 

How Many Marriages Fail Because of Lack of Communication?

If you’re looking to answer, “Can a marriage survive lack of communication?” and “How many relationships fail because of communication?” A survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) found that communication issues account for roughly 67.5 percent of marriage failures. That means that most couples find their main issue is with communication and not something else, like infidelity. However, at Well Marriage Center, we’ve met with a lot of couples and find that communication isn’t always the root cause of the problems they’re facing. Communication is just one aspect of many that couples should address before considering divorce.

 

What Is the Best Solution to Lack of Communication in a Marriage? Quality, Professional Help.

If you think you need help with communication and other underlying problems, Well Marriage Center helps couples tackle their marital concerns head on. While communication might be what is most important when you start your sessions, you can quickly find that there are other issues you’re facing in your marriage. We would love to help you rebuild your relationship based on your strengths as a couple. If you’d like to set an appointment, reach out to our Intake Coordinator Melinda and she will help you get started on your healing journey.

 

Get Started

 

 

What Is Healthy Communication in a Marriage?

in ,

If you’re looking for advice on relationship communication, you might also know some of the telltale signs of bad communication in a relationship: constant fights, lack of respect, or stonewalling. But what about the signs of healthy communication? With the importance of communication in marriage being so critical, it’s valuable to know when you and your partner are doing things right—or when you might need a little work. So what is effective communication in marriage? Let’s look at good examples of communication and some solutions, like marriage counseling, that might help it get even better. 

What Are the Qualities of Good Communication in Marriage?

Good communication in a marriage can look different for every couple, but ultimately it comes down to being respectful of your partner and being clear about your own feelings and needs. However, there are some signs of effective communication in a marriage you should always look for in your relationship.

  1. Listen to your partner when they’re speaking—and don’t interrupt! It can be easy to listen to respond, rather than listen to understand. But when you take the time to hear what your partner is saying, you can give them the space they need to clearly explain their wants, needs, and concerns.

    Tip: You can show your partner you’re actively listening by maintaining eye contact and nodding your head rather than being distracted by technology or a wandering mind. Alternatively, you can repeat their point back in your own words to show you understand and create a moment to clarify any misunderstandings.
  2. Think before you speak, even in moments of frustration or hurt. It can be easy to say the wrong thing if you respond reactively. However, it’s important to take a step back and think about what you want to say and how you want to say it. Remember, after you say something you can’t take it back. If you say something hurtful, it can be hard to redeem yourself. You should express your negative feelings in a constructive way.

    Tip: Communicate with your partner about how you’re feeling during tense conversations. Avoid attacks or malicious responses.
  3. Talk about small things—good or bad! It’s important to have conversations about your day, what’s new and exciting, or what’s got you down (and not always the big-picture stuff). Nobody wants to talk about serious topics all of the time. In fact, talking about fun things is fun in its own right! Having these conversations can help reaffirm your connection with one another.

    Tip: Asking about your partner’s day is a great way to show them you care.
  4. Be aware of body language and non-verbal cues. Understanding both your and your partner’s body language can help you adjust the way you approach a conversation. How are you and your partner showing your emotions? Are you guarded with your arms crossed? Or are you leaning in and listening to your partner attentively?

    Tip: Make sure you take your partner’s non-verbal cues into consideration when having a conversation.
  5. Express gratitude on a regular basis. It always feels nice to know you’re loved and appreciated by your partner. By communicating your gratitude regularly, you can give your partner confidence and security in your relationship. Not only that, but it will help you both focus on the good things about your marriage and strengthen your connection.

    Tip: Tell your partner one thing you appreciate or admire about them every day.

Of course, there are several more qualities of effective communication in a relationship. It’s all about giving each other the space you need to feel comfortable expressing your feelings. It’s okay if you and your spouse don’t always understand each other—sometimes things get in the way. However, poor communication can be a sign of a deeper issue, but there are ways to help you navigate the root of the problem. For example, marriage counseling at Well Marriage Center can help you refocus your marriage on your strengths, rather than what’s holding you back.

What Is the Importance of Communication in a Marriage?

Effective communication enables couples to establish trust, resolve conflicts, share their needs, and forge a deep emotional connection. With open and honest communication, you and your partner can gain a greater understanding of one another, which means greater trust and intimacy. You can also feel more connected to your partner by expressing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences in a safe and encouraging environment. 

Conflict resolution is also an important skill for marriage. Of course, arguments are bound to happen in every relationship and they can even be healthy, but good communication can help you and your spouse reach respectful and constructive outcomes. This includes clarifying expectations with your partner to avoid misunderstandings. By communicating in the most straightforward way possible, partners may steer clear of assumptions that would otherwise cause arguments and uncertainty.

Overall, if you and your partner prioritize communication, you can establish a lasting and rewarding connection that can last a lifetime. But making communication a priority also comes with exploring the possibility of more in-depth relationship concerns, like lack of intimacy or conflicting approaches to finances. You can address those concerns by reaching out to professionals like us at Well Marriage Center. You and your partner can dig into the problems you’re facing by focusing on what’s working in your relationship. Building a solid foundation on your strengths gives you a well rounded perspective on how you communicate with your partner.

What Is One Way to Create Healthy Communication in a Marriage?

If you feel like you’re having difficulty communicating in a healthy way with your partner, or just want to make a good marriage stronger, it might be time to consider a solution like marriage counseling. Attending couples therapy doesn’t mean your marriage is unsuccessful—or that you’re alone. In fact, about 50% of couples try counseling at some point in their marriage. 

If you’re looking to rejuvenate your marriage, Well Marriage Center provides a strengths-based approach to counseling. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of your marriage—and communication—we help you restore your relationship based on your successes. You’ll also get marriage communication tools to help strengthen your connection. If you’d like to deepen your relationship, connect with our intake coordinator, Melinda, and get started on your counseling journey!

 

Get Started

 

 

How Does Couples Therapy Improve Communication?

in

Strong relationship communication is one of the most valuable and desirable traits that couples seek in their marriage. There’s a wealth of information regarding couples therapy communication questions and how to apply them to your marriage. However, does couples therapy actually work to fix communication issues? It can—if both parties are willing to put in the work. With that in mind, let’s talk about improving communication skills and what to do when you can’t communicate with your partner. We’ll also answer questions like, “How do you fill the communication gap between couples?” 

Can Couples Therapy Help with Communication?

Yes! The good news is couples therapy can help you and your partner work through any communication issues you may be facing in your relationship. In fact, learning how to communicate successfully with one another is one of the main goals of couples counseling. Poor communication is usually the crux of many relationship issues since it can cause misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and even anxiety. That’s why strong communication is fundamental to the success of a marriage! 

Of course, every couple faces different challenges, but what are some of the most common signs of bad communication in a relationship?

  • Listening to respond, rather than listening to understand
  • Responding reactively with your emotions rather than rationally
  • Raising your voice or yelling instead of talking in a calm voice
  • Showing negative non-verbal communication like facial expressions and body language
  • Blaming your partner for anything that goes wrong
  • Not taking a break when things get heated
  • Withdrawing from hard conversations

Understanding how you communicate with your spouse is essential to clearly voice any concerns you may have. It’s also important to remain open and vulnerable with your partner, which can be more difficult if one of you is following the patterns listed above. But you might be surprised to learn that communication is not typically the underlying cause of relationship problems. Often communication suffers when there is a loss of trust, a different set of priorities, and a lack of intimacy—among other things. 

So if you’re wondering how to fix communication in a relationship, couples therapy can help. Licensed couples therapists, like those at Well Marriage Center, will help you focus on the root causes of your relationship problems and introduce healthy communication styles. During couples therapy, your therapist will be there to support you and your partner. They do this by encouraging you to be confident in your feelings, actively listen to each other, and feel empathy for one another. Your therapist will provide you and your partner with other strategies to communicate while also pointing out ineffective communication habits that might stem from deeper issues. 

In general, couples therapy can help you focus on what is causing the communication problems. We know diving into your feelings can be difficult to talk about. You want to feel safe to be open and honest. But couples counseling can help you and your spouse to improve your communication skills while also providing you with a secure place to talk about sensitive or difficult topics. Your therapist will encourage discussions, assist you in using clearer language, and make sure that both parties feel heard and understood. Ultimately, they give you the tools to bridge any gap, including poor communication.

How Do You Fill the Communication Gap Between Couples?

You can “fill the communication gap” between you and your spouse by making time to communicate using skills like active listening, being honest and direct, and acknowledging difficulties when working through problems. Typically, it’s best to find the cause of these issues, rather than blame it all on communication. Keep in mind that improving communication in a relationship is a continuous process that needs the dedication and effort of both parties. You can create a stronger, deeper, and more fulfilling connection by cooperating and applying efficient communication techniques.

How Can You Improve Communication in a Relationship?

The best way to improve communication with your partner is to invest time in each other, whether through communication exercises or couples therapy. Every couple faces difficulty communicating at some point in their relationship. That’s okay! There are a few communication therapy techniques you can work through with your couples therapist to help make communication between you and your partner better, such as:

  • Practice active listening and understand your partner’s perspective
  • Express your feelings clearly and honestly using “I” statements
  • Be empathetic towards your partner and their feelings
  • Be mindful of nonverbal communication and how your body language expresses your emotions
  • Avoid being defensive and listen to your partner’s concerns
  • Acknowledge your part in any issues you’re facing
  • Find a solution or compromise together

Speaking with a licensed therapist will help you navigate these communication techniques while helping you discover the root of the problem. Has your partner cheated? Are you financially irresponsible? Do you have different parenting styles? What childhood traumas are you each bringing to the table? Each of these concerns can lead to poor communication between you and your spouse. 

If you and your partner need to find your way back to one another, the therapists at Well Marriage Center can help you take a strengths-based approach to your marriage counseling. With the most experienced marriage counselors who have helped thousands of couples, you can find success in your relationship too. If you’d like to learn more, visit our website or set up an appointment with our intake coordinator, Melinda. 

 

Get Started

 



What Are Some Communication Exercises for Couples?

in

When it comes to relationship communication exercises, it’s important to take your partner’s perspective into consideration. But mending your relationship shouldn’t focus solely on couples therapy communication questions. You should also look at different activities and exercises you can do together to strengthen your bond. So,  what activities can couples do to strengthen their relationship? Let’s take a look at some top examples in this blog.

What Are Some Communication Exercises Couples Can Do Together?

It’s no secret, communication is an important element of a healthy, strong relationship. Unfortunately, communication problems are a common issue between partners, and it can be hard to know what’s causing them. These problems often lead to conflict and even resentment between partners. Thankfully, there are several activities couples can do together to strengthen how they communicate. You and your partner can use these couples’ communication games and exercises to improve your ability to listen, communicate clearly, and deepen your emotional connection with one another.

  • Actively listening without interruption so you can better understand your partner and their perspectives. Giving them space to speak freely while you listen to their needs, concerns, or potential solutions to issues is important. Understanding how they feel and how you can help them will deepen your connection and encourage empathy.
  • Use “I” statements to clearly explain your feelings without blaming the other person. For example, saying “I feel sad and lonely when you’re gone all day because I think it means you don’t want to be around me” rather than “You’re never home!” This “I” statement points out how you feel and doesn’t condemn your partner for what you think they did wrong. 
  • Express gratitude when you appreciate something your partner has done, no matter how small. Simply saying “Thank you for making coffee this morning” or “I appreciate that you cooked dinner” goes a long way in making your partner feel loved and recognized. 
  • Daily or weekly check-ins to help reconnect with your partner when life gets busy. It’s important to set aside time specifically for you and your partner to share how you’re feeling and what’s going on in your life. 
  • Keep a joint journal where you take turns writing notes to each other. This can help you openly express your feelings and gratitude, follow a joint prompt, or even write a gushy love letter. Giving yourself a safe space to share with your partner will help deepen your connection.
  • Use the “Sandwich Method” to clearly request your partner to help with something without being demanding. You “sandwich” your requests or concerns between two positive statements to help show your appreciation, while also encouraging your partner to help. For example, “Thank you for cooking dinner last night. Would you be able to take care of the dishes as well? I know you do so much around the house already, but it would be really helpful.”
  • Get crafty and work together on making something creative and fun. Whether you take an art and wine class or do a photoshoot, you can connect and be active with your partner in exciting new ways.

There are several more relationship exercises for couples communication that you can do to strengthen the connection between you and your spouse. Ultimately, it comes down to dedicating time and effort to your partner. 

If you’re struggling to connect with your partner, consider couples therapy. Going through therapy together doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a couple, but rather you’ll gain the tools you need to address relationship problems head-on. This approach includes learning how to communicate effectively about core issues you’re facing together. If you’re interested in taking steps toward strengthening your marriage, the licensed therapists at Well Marriage Center are here to help.

5 Examples of Communication Exercises 

1. Mirror & Switch. Periodically “checking in” where one partner starts with a series of statements about the relationship. Their partner mirrors back their answer to them, to show they understand and hear the statement. This focuses on hearing each other instead of responding to each other. The mirroring is a brain exercise. If I’m mirroring you, I must remember what you’re sharing. It greatly assists in reducing reactivity, eliminates arguments, and shows their partner they are heard.

Example: 

“Something I appreciate about you is…(your kindness to others.)”

Partner mirrors… “You appreciate…(that I’m kind to other people)”

“Where I am in our relationship is…”

Partner mirrors, “Where you are in our relationship is…”

“What I’d like to work on today is…”

Partner mirrors, “today you’d like to work on…”

Then they would switch and the other would fill in their answers.

 

2. Dialogue vs. Debate. Couples try to reframe things as dialogue instead of as a debate. You want to listen, understand your goal, ask questions, and accept each other’s experiences. It can be helpful to write out your point before bringing it to your partner. Write out your initial point, then try to reword and reframe your point until it fits more into the “dialogue” category. 

Differences:

Dialogue 

  • Goal = understanding (the relationship wins)
  • Listening = happens before talking
  • Concentrate on the other person, validate them, and see them as strong

Debate

  • Goal = winning (usually both of you lose)
  • Not Listening = counter what they say and ask questions to trip them up
  • Concentrate on making points, criticizing them, and see them as weak

 

3. “I Statements”. One of the most basic communication skills to use in problem-solving and goes along well with the mirroring exercise. “I Statements” are primarily about “me” and only secondarily about “you” with no blame on the other person. 

Example: 

“I feel _______ When _______ Because _______ and sometimes include “what I want/need”

I feel sad when you pull away from me because I want to be closer to you

I feel frustrated when you tell me to do _______, I want trusted to start it myself

 

4. Reflective Listening. Focus on accurately hearing the other person and then saying it back so they know you head them. Listen, validate, ask for what you want, search for win-win solutions where each gets something, and be present in the conversation. Something you could also try is to ask your partner to only listen to you and not say anything back for at least 24 hours to give more time for reflection.

Example: 

“If I’m hearing you right, you’re feeling upset at me for not ‘believing’ … you want to feel trusted”

 

5. Basic Conflict Resolution (Problem- Solving) Strategies. There are a variety of other strategies to use to help you problem-solve. 

Examples: 

  • Solution counter-solution technique – write down all suggested solutions till agreement is reached
  • Change roles and argue the other person’s position – can build empathy and understanding
  • Barter – this is often better than pure compromise and is a form of compromise
  • Avoid starting with a negative/critical comment – stay away from blaming using the words always or never
  • Be specific about what is bothering you – deal with one issue at a time and don’t bring up other issues
  • Use a talking stick or another object while talking to help take turns 
  • Take breaks when needed and give time to return – possibly do an argument autopsy several days later

What Can Couples Do to Improve Communication?

The best way to improve communication between you and your partner is to find the root of the problem. Whether there’s a lack of trust or disagreements on significant issues like children or finances, poor communication is often an unfortunate byproduct. While you might be able to work through these concerns together, couples therapy may be able to help if you’re still experiencing issues. 

One of the main advantages of therapy is having the ability to share your thoughts and emotions in a safe and supportive setting. There’s no need to worry about being judged in your sessions. The therapists at Well Marriage Center can guide you in understanding one another’s perspectives and goals. Couples can discover new communication techniques and couples’ communication questions in treatment, such as active listening skills and other helpful techniques. We also focus on strengths-based therapy, which highlights your successes as a couple rather than what you’re struggling with. 

These techniques can improve your communication inside and outside of therapy sessions. If you would like to deepen your bond and strengthen your relationship, visit our website today or get in contact with our intake coordinator, Melinda. A brighter future of stronger communication awaits! 

 

Get Started

 

 

Couples Therapy Communication Questions

in

The idea of marriage or couples counseling can be scary, especially when you don’t know what to expect. Hopefully, we can help calm your nerves. First and foremost, it’s important to point out that you’re not alone! One study found that 49% of married couples have invested time into counseling at some point in their marriage. 

But does counseling help with relationship communication, specifically? Yes, it absolutely does– communication touches every area of a relationship, as the verbal and nonverbal exchanges between people are what build the relationship in the first place. We’re going to explore: what counseling actually means, couples therapy communication, and exercises and questions you might expect during your time in counseling.

What Happens in Couples Counseling?

Couples counseling, often known as couples therapy or marriage counseling, is a form of therapy that helps couples tackle problems in their relationship and improve their communication and intimacy. Marriage counseling procedures differ based on the therapist’s approach(es) and the couple’s individual needs and goals, but typically will consist of:

  • Initial introduction and consultation
  • Assessment and identification of issues
  • Developing skills and solving problems

Most often, a licensed therapist will begin with an introduction and evaluation. In this evaluation, they ask you about your relationship history, any current concerns you’re facing, and goals you have for treatment. Together with your partner and the therapist, you should expect to investigate the problems that are causing conflict or frustration in your marriage. 

All therapeutic centers will have variations of this general approach. At Well Marriage, for example, our first session will include an overview of your relationship’s strengths before diving into the more difficult topics. By the end of the first session, however, your counselor will provide insight into what is happening in the relationship and tools to immediately start calming down (or spicing up!) things at home. By four sessions, you should have not only useful insight, but also tools and strategies in place to begin fixing deeper issues.

How Does Therapy Help with Communication Skills?

Marriage counseling, or couples therapy, can serve as a great resource for couples who are dealing with communication challenges. Counseling can significantly improve communication skills by:

  • Creating a Safe Space: Marriage counseling provides a secure and impartial setting in which you and your partner may communicate your thoughts and problems. Within the safe space, you can communicate without fear of being judged or retaliated against. This environment, managed by a skilled interpersonal clinician, promotes open and honest discussions, which can be challenging in other spaces.
  • Identifying Communication Patterns: You and your partner can get help from a therapist by learning your habits and communication styles. You might not be conscious of how your way of communication contributes to misunderstandings, conflicts, or hurt feelings. With the help of a therapist, you and your partner may identify and change these patterns, where they come from, and work out techniques to grow together.
  • Developing Active Listening Skills: You and your partner can learn active listening techniques from marriage counselors, including paying attention to what the other person is saying and validating their feelings. This makes it easier for you to communicate and makes your partner feel heard and understood.
  • Improving Nonverbal Communication: Nonverbal communication with your spouse, such as your body language and voice tone, can be improved with the assistance of a counselor. They could give you tips for communicating how to communicate more effectively and pick up on your partner’s nonverbal signs.
  • Encouraging Empathy and Understanding: Marriage counselors may support you and your partner to cultivate mutual understanding and empathy. This can improve your ability to communicate, minimize disagreements, and reinforce your emotional connection.

The good news is you can develop your communication skills with the help of a licensed counselor. And those skills lead to a happier and more fulfilling marriage. With counseling, you and your partner may be able to improve your communication skills and tackle issues in a more constructive way. Sounds good, right? If you and your partner are ready to figure out how to communicate better, consider contacting Well Marriage Center for help.

How Do You Improve Communication Between Couples?

You probably have heard that “communication is key” in relationships. And while it is important, communication is just one piece of the puzzle regarding marriage counseling. But how do you make your communication better? Couples can improve their communication over time and with effort, but the following marriage counseling tips are helpful:

  • Focus on what your spouse says while actively listening to them without interjecting or passing judgment. Reflect on what they are saying and, if necessary, seek clarification.
  • To avoid blaming your spouse, use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. When using “I” statements, you may say, for instance, “I feel worthless when you don’t listen to me” rather than “You never listen to me.”
  • Even if you don’t agree with your partner’s viewpoint or beliefs, respect them regardless. Attempt to understand their perspective and the reasons behind their emotional responses.
  • Consider the situation from your partner’s perspective and think about how they might feel when issues arise. Even if you disagree with their behavior and response to the situation, express empathy for their emotions.
  • Recognize your partner’s communication style and tone. When we have different ways of communicating the same thing without understanding, we can often end up in toxic cycles. An example of this is when one partner shuts down and the other keeps trying harder and “chasing.” This pursue-withdraw cycle can often be fixed with the help of a therapist.
  • Take accountability for your actions and don’t accuse or blame your partner for the problems you might have caused or contributed to. Owning up to any mistakes or poor reactions can help mend your communication and strengthen your relationship.

Improving communication between couples requires effort and patience, but with the right help and guidance, you’ll find you can grow as a couple and strengthen your relationship. But marriage counseling can help with more than communication—and believe it or not, communication isn’t always the most pressing issue.

What Can Couples Counseling Help With?

Counseling can help address many issues within a marriage or relationship, including:

  • Trust
  • Conflict resolution
  • Different values or goals
  • Intimacy & sex
  • Money concerns
  • Communication
  • Family dynamics
  • Life changes
  • Forgiveness

When one spouse feels hurt or betrayed by the other—through actions like cheating, lying, or broken promises—one of you might develop trust concerns. This might even lead to living separately during marriage counseling. In other cases, partners can disagree on important decisions because they have different priorities, values, or personal goals, which can strain the relationship. Other issues like intimacy can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction or disconnection. No matter what it boils down to, you might be struggling to resolve arguments in a healthy and productive way, which can result in continuous tension and frustration. 

In these cases, being open and honest during your sessions about what is impacting your relationship, even if it is a difficult topic, is an essential step to resolving any problems you might be facing. It’s important to remember that these problems can be complicated and it’s not unusual for couples to experience multiple challenges at once.

One essential piece of counseling for marriage problems is developing new ways to approach your relationship. To help couples communicate their needs and feelings more effectively, a counselor will introduce new skills and strategies during the sessions. At Well Marriage Center, we focus on strengths-based counseling where you and your partner can focus on building strong relationships to construct a solid foundation on which your marriage, or relationship, can grow.

How Can Marriage Counseling Help a Couple Improve Their Relationship?

Marriage counseling and couples therapy take commitment from both partners to be successful, so you should not consider it a “quick fix” for marital issues. However, statistics show that counseling does help couples improve, strengthen, and renew relationships. The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy notes that over 75% of couples report improving their relationship after completing counseling. So how can marriage counseling help your relationship?

  • Resolving and managing conflict on important issues
  • Rebuilding trust and healthy patterns after an event such as infidelity and lying
  • Improving intimacy to connect physically and emotionally
  • Establishing open, honest, and respectful communication in a safe space
  • Understanding your partner, their needs, and their perspective
  • Learning new skills to face current and future challenges 
  • Addressing and working through past trauma and habits
  • Understanding emotional development, prior attachments, and coping mechanisms
  • Learning how to build new, healthier neural pathways over time

To start, it’s crucial to build on your relationship’s strengths to lay down the groundwork. After establishing that foundation, you and your partner should discuss your differences and identify areas of agreement. This can help couples resolve challenges and cultivate a more supportive and productive connection. Because a therapist is there for guidance and support, you don’t have to take these problems head-on. Instead, you can repair and rebuild your relationship with the help of an unbiased party. 

With specialized counselors like ours at Well Marriage Center, you can find success in couples therapy exercises that positively reinforce what you’ve learned during your sessions. Using our strengths-based approach, Well Marriage is dedicated to keeping couples together and avoiding separation whenever possible. 

What Do You Discuss in Marriage Counseling?

Marriage counseling is about addressing the problems you’re facing in your relationship. To do this, you’ll have to talk about some pretty difficult subjects—and that’s okay! To help you prepare for these hard discussions, here are some common questions marriage counselors ask:

Let’s Get to Know Each Other

During your intake meeting, your therapist will often begin with questions about you, your partner, and your relationship with one another. Some topics you should expect to discuss include your relationship history and how you got to where you are today. 

  • How did you meet each other?
  • What attracted you to one another?
  • What do you respect about each other?
  • How was your relationship before marriage? (Or in the beginning, for those not married.)
  • What are your expectations for counseling?
  • What challenges would you like to address?

It’s Time to Dive Deeper

Once your therapist gets to know you better as a couple, they will start asking more in-depth questions regarding your relationship.

  • How do you communicate with each other?
  • What are some of your shared values and beliefs?
  • How do you spend time together?
  • How do you handle conflict and disagreements?
  • How do you express love and affection?
  • How do you handle stress and difficult situations as a couple?

Tackle the Problems Head-On

Now come the nitty-gritty questions that might be hard to answer, but will ultimately lead to better results in communication and other relationship skills. To help the couple identify underlying problems, explore delicate subjects, and challenge harmful habits in their relationship, therapists may pose some challenging questions.

  • Do you feel like you can be vulnerable and open with your partner?
  • Are you both committed to making this relationship work?
  • What specific behaviors or actions have hurt your partner in the past?
  • Do you feel that your partner truly understands you and your needs?
  • How have past traumas or experiences impacted your relationship?
  • Do you feel that you are both putting in equal effort to maintain the relationship?

We’ve Finished Treatment, What’s Next?

To help you reflect on your development and gauge the effectiveness of counseling, a therapist may pose several questions at the conclusion of treatment.

  • How do you feel about the progress you have made during counseling?
  • What specific skills or strategies have you learned?
  • Are there any unresolved issues or concerns that you still need to work on as a couple?
  • How have your communication and conflict resolution skills improved?
  • Do you feel that you have gained the tools and resources needed to maintain a healthy relationship?
  • Have you noticed any changes in how you relate to each other outside of the counseling sessions?

This is by no means a comprehensive list of all of the questions you will explore with a marriage counselor, but they provide a snapshot of what you can expect from therapy. With a licensed counselor, you’ll be able to dive into the root causes of your relationship problems, and answering questions openly and honestly is essential to finding success. With Well Marriage’s approach, you can strengthen your relationship and find a deeper connection with your partner. It all starts with a 90-minute initial session and a structured relationship strengths and wellness evaluation.

Questions to Ask During Marriage Counseling

When it comes to marriage counseling questions to strengthen your relationship, you should consider what your goals are for counseling and, ultimately, your marriage. It’s important to keep in mind that you’re working together to find a solution that works best for both of you. However, it’s hard to get to that point without understanding your partner’s perspective or explaining your own. So what should you ask your partner during counseling sessions? Remember that learning valuable communication skills is an important part of marriage counseling, so your questions should reflect your goal of listening to your partner and learning their needs.

  • How do you feel about our relationship as it is? Do you have any expectations?
  • What are your most important needs in our relationship?
  • How do you feel when we argue or disagree?
  • What are the most significant sources of conflict in our relationship?
  • How can I help support you and meet your needs?

Understanding each other’s perspectives is essential to strengthening your relationship. When you ask questions, be sure to ask both pointed questions about your partner and how they feel, as well as questions you can both answer, like “How can we improve our communication with one another?” 

This allows you both to speak your mind and determine what would be best for both of you. Some may worry that a couples therapist is biased. Couples therapists will often spend a session with each partner as individuals to get a stronger sense of the situation, but if you find yourself in a session with a counselor that chooses sides, you should reconsider if that environment is best for you and your partner to strengthen your relationship. A professional counselor like ours here at Well Marriage want to help you renew your relationship and grow stronger together, not pick sides.

Strengthen Your Relationship with Well Marriage Center

With the help of counselors like ours at Well Marriage, you’ll work with a licensed counselor that takes a strengths-based approach to counseling. More than 15,000 couples have benefited from our counseling so far in improving their relationships, healing from past hurts, and finding new intimacy. We provide a clinically supported, scientific approach to repair your relationship and strengthen your future commitment through in-person, virtual, or hybrid sessions. We are the largest Couples Specialty Center in the US for good reason!. If you’d like to learn more about our services or set up an appointment, please reach out to our Intake Coordinator, Melinda, using our intake form.

 

Get Started

 

 

How Can Couples Improve Their Communication?

in

Every relationship has its ups and downs and many couples peg poor communication as the reason for those downs. Relationship communication can strengthen or weaken the bond between two partners depending on how effective it is. And while it is completely normal to have the occasional barrier when talking to one another, prolonged communication issues in relationships can lead to even bigger problems. Before you and your partner get to that point, there are some steps you can take to get your communication back on track. First, though, you need to understand where those problems stem from.

Why Do I Struggle to Communicate With My Partner?

There are several reasons why you may struggle to communicate with your partner. For one, you may not understand your own feelings. You may feel hurt, upset, distant, etc., but you don’t know why you feel that way. Without understanding why you feel the way you do, you have a much harder time conveying to your partner what you need. This can lead to frustration with your partner for misunderstanding you.

You may also struggle to communicate with your partner simply because you were taught growing up to communicate a particular way. Perhaps you were taught to internalize your feelings, which makes it much harder as an adult to communicate them. Or perhaps as a child you unknowingly developed unhealthy or aggressive communication habits or patterns. Additionally, some families have a culture of “asking” or of “guessing” when it comes to meeting needs and expressing wants. For example, some people feel around the edges of a question and feel a need to guess the answer because they don’t feel like it’s appropriate to ask for things directly. All of this can cause you to lash out at or pull away from your partner rather than looking both within yourself and at your partner’s perspective.

Fear can also make it harder for you to communicate with your partner. When you have very real, very raw feelings that you have to share, you have to be vulnerable. You open yourself up to being hurt and potentially hurting your partner. That thought alone can scare many from talking about their feelings. However, this vulnerability is necessary to build trust and forge a strong relationship with your partner.

No matter what reasons there are for the lack of communication in your relationship, know that it’s never too late to work through them. A trained couples therapist like ours here at Well Marriage Center will go beyond the communication exercises you may expect to uncover the root issue(s) behind your struggle to communicate. From there, you and your partner can both learn to heal and move forward together.

What Can a Couple Do to Develop Their Communication Skills?

There are a few ways to improve communication in a relationship, one of which is to take the time to think through why you feel the way you do and how best to communicate that to your partner. When you truly understand your feelings, you’ll have a much easier time expressing them to your partner. Remember that when you do, use an assertive style of communication as opposed to an aggressive one. This style emphasizes openness and honesty while also respecting your partner and their feelings as well. Respectful communication in relationships is the first step to understanding your partner and working through problems as a team rather than as opponents.

Part of respectful communication, too, is listening to your partner. That does not mean that you listen to figure out what you want to say next or to prove your point. Rather, it means listening with your heart open so that you can understand why your partner feels as they do or has been acting a particular way. Listening in this way will also allow you to empathize with your partner.

Once you share your feelings and listen to those of your partner, you’ll have a much simpler time finding common ground with them. That means that, even if you do not agree on something or have been hurt by the other person, you can compromise and make a plan to move forward. It means that no matter what problems arise or what disagreements you have, you are still in the person’s corner when they need you. Finding common ground breeds trust and respect in relationships.

Improving communication won’t happen overnight. And it’s completely normal to have no idea where to start or how to work through previous trauma. Many couples turn to marriage therapy and relationship counseling to help with improving their communication, and that’s a great step to take! We at Well Marriage Center want your relationship to succeed as much as you do. We will give you the support you need every step through your journey towards effective communication.

Well Marriage Center: The Place for Effective Couples Communication Therapy

If you and your partner want to learn how to overcome barriers in communication, turn to Well Marriage Center. Our therapists have worked with thousands of couples and have seen all sorts of styles of communication. They also know how to find the deeper issue causing your problems so that you not only work through your current slump in communication, but can better communicate in future disagreements as well. Get started with one of our therapists and see a world of difference in your relationship.



Get Started

 

Support for Anxiety and Depression in Relationships

in , , , , ,

by Sharon Hamilton, LPC

I often work with couples that struggle to understand each other when one person suffers from anxiety or depression. This has become even more common since the COVID-19 pandemic, as it has caused an uptick in the number of people struggling with these conditions while having to adjust so many aspects of their lives in a very unpredictable and ever-changing environment.

Anxiety and depression are mental health disorders that are not the same as typical sadness, stress, or worry. They are defined primarily by the persistence and severity of the emotional distress someone experiences and they often create difficulties with functioning, including participation in family and romantic relationships. 

Making Relationships Harder

When anxiety or depression is present in a relationship it tends to make the common relationship challenge of effective communication even more difficult. One of the ways all of us attempt to understand or support someone we care about is by putting ourselves in their shoes, and trying to relate to how they are feeling. This isn’t always very effective in general, as different people feel differently in similar situations and circumstances due to their individual experiences and perspectives.

However, when anxiety or depression are involved it almost inevitably leaves one person feeling confused or frustrated and the other feeling misunderstood and unsupported. Simply put, it is very difficult for most people to understand the experiences of someone suffering from anxiety or depression without having either experienced it themselves or having been very close to someone in the past who was suffering from it (like a parent or sibling).

Often partners of someone struggling with anxiety will say things like, “there’s nothing to worry about” or “just stop thinking about it” or “it could be worse” or “just cheer up.” These things are taken by the anxious or depressed partner as dismissive, as they show a fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of their feelings. 

There is Hope

Working with a couple who present with this dilemma is something I find very rewarding as a counselor. The process involves a few things, including helping the anxious or depressed partner recognize the difficulty their partner has in understanding them. It also involves helping educate both partners on the nature of anxiety and depression, what it is and what it isn’t, and how to communicate more effectively about it. I also help the couple identify what allows them to feel they are partners in coping with the real problem, the anxiety or depression, rather than seeing each other as the problem.

Depression and anxiety are really difficult for the person suffering, but when their partner is able to really understand and support them it tends to lead to more effective coping strategies and symptoms improving, particularly in combination with other treatment or support. 


Get Started

 

Communication Problems

in , , ,

From the Therapists Perspective

Written by Michael Fronce, LMFT

Jeff and Cindy came to their first marriage counseling session anxious to repair their 15 year relationship. The session started like most, me getting to know them and learning a bit more about their story.

As we explored their marital strengths it was clear they deeply loved each other, but that love was now being questioned by each of them. They explained they had not been able to communicate about anything except logistics.

Cindy swore Jeff did not have the ability to communicate at all. She complained about his avoidance of important issues. While she was voicing her frustration, he rolled his eyes and sighed. He said she was blowing things out of proportion and that he knows how to communicate. He was sick of how often she interrupted and didn’t listen.

Jeff said he felt like he was never going to please his wife so he admitted to withdrawing from conversations. They both wanted me to get the other to communicate better.

Jeff and Cindy had made a good decision to reach out for help. These things fester. Communication problems are one of the most common concerns that bring couples to Well Marriage for marriage counseling.

When we’re able to catch these communication blocks early, we’re often able to help the couple avoid the more toxic and deeper level problems that come years down the road if left unchecked.

The good news is our counselors have the experience and training to be helpful. While there are often underlying issues that play a part in some communication breakdowns (which would be an entirely different blog post), I often find myself starting by helping couples practice the skills of effective communication. It’s helpful to see where they are and what they already know. This is what I did with Jeff and Cindy.

Now the movies and TV comedies give practicing communication skills a bad rap. I get it, no one wants to simply be told to say a lot of “I statements” and repeat back what the other person is saying.

You’re right, that doesn’t fix communication problems. However, I’m often surprised by how a simple intervention or solution can indeed become the impetus for change.

I was looking for just that type of impetus for change when I gave Jeff and Cindy a task early in our communication work. They shared about how one of their rituals is to go to a certain fast food establishment for dinner. So I invited them to dinner. Well, I should say that I invited them to pay attention in a different way next time they went for dinner.

Their task was to observe how the person at the counter took their order. When they came back to the next session, they were excited to talk with me about what they saw.

The server greeted Jeff and Cindy warmly, asked how he could serve them and then listened to their order. He busily punched the order into the system and then did something a little strange.

They noticed that the server repeated back their order to make sure that he had it correct. He then asked if there was anything else that they would like. He then proceeded to check their order again before moving on and telling them the cost.

After the order was confirmed and the payment was made, the server thanked the couple. So simple, yet for them it made an impression.

They appreciated the way that the server listened to them, took the time to get their order right, and did not move on until he was sure that he had heard it correctly and that it was what the couple wanted.

That’s what they each desired from the other. They missed being truly heard and respected. Here’s the important breakthrough part: they both began looking at what they, individually, had been doing to keep them from communicating effectively.

They each began talking about ways they would like to focus on each other, listen to each other, and truly hear each other. That led them into Jeff’s withdrawing (Cindy felt abandoned and got anxious). Cindy would then over pursue Jeff to calm her anxiety (which then had Jeff withdrawing again).

So we explored this cycle and ways to interrupt it. Effective communication helped! They began making such incredible positive progress about the deeper level issues that were affecting their relationship.

The good news – Jeff and Cindy both began to find each other again, connect with each other again, and experience a closeness they hadn’t felt in years, all through working on communication problems in couples therapy.


Get Started