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Couples Therapy Communication Questions

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The idea of marriage or couples counseling can be scary, especially when you don’t know what to expect. Hopefully, we can help calm your nerves. First and foremost, it’s important to point out that you’re not alone! One study found that 49% of married couples have invested time into counseling at some point in their marriage. 

But does counseling help with relationship communication, specifically? Yes, it absolutely does– communication touches every area of a relationship, as the verbal and nonverbal exchanges between people are what build the relationship in the first place. We’re going to explore: what counseling actually means, couples therapy communication, and exercises and questions you might expect during your time in counseling.

What Happens in Couples Counseling?

Couples counseling, often known as couples therapy or marriage counseling, is a form of therapy that helps couples tackle problems in their relationship and improve their communication and intimacy. Marriage counseling procedures differ based on the therapist’s approach(es) and the couple’s individual needs and goals, but typically will consist of:

  • Initial introduction and consultation
  • Assessment and identification of issues
  • Developing skills and solving problems

Most often, a licensed therapist will begin with an introduction and evaluation. In this evaluation, they ask you about your relationship history, any current concerns you’re facing, and goals you have for treatment. Together with your partner and the therapist, you should expect to investigate the problems that are causing conflict or frustration in your marriage. 

All therapeutic centers will have variations of this general approach. At Well Marriage, for example, our first session will include an overview of your relationship’s strengths before diving into the more difficult topics. By the end of the first session, however, your counselor will provide insight into what is happening in the relationship and tools to immediately start calming down (or spicing up!) things at home. By four sessions, you should have not only useful insight, but also tools and strategies in place to begin fixing deeper issues.

How Does Therapy Help with Communication Skills?

Marriage counseling, or couples therapy, can serve as a great resource for couples who are dealing with communication challenges. Counseling can significantly improve communication skills by:

  • Creating a Safe Space: Marriage counseling provides a secure and impartial setting in which you and your partner may communicate your thoughts and problems. Within the safe space, you can communicate without fear of being judged or retaliated against. This environment, managed by a skilled interpersonal clinician, promotes open and honest discussions, which can be challenging in other spaces.
  • Identifying Communication Patterns: You and your partner can get help from a therapist by learning your habits and communication styles. You might not be conscious of how your way of communication contributes to misunderstandings, conflicts, or hurt feelings. With the help of a therapist, you and your partner may identify and change these patterns, where they come from, and work out techniques to grow together.
  • Developing Active Listening Skills: You and your partner can learn active listening techniques from marriage counselors, including paying attention to what the other person is saying and validating their feelings. This makes it easier for you to communicate and makes your partner feel heard and understood.
  • Improving Nonverbal Communication: Nonverbal communication with your spouse, such as your body language and voice tone, can be improved with the assistance of a counselor. They could give you tips for communicating how to communicate more effectively and pick up on your partner’s nonverbal signs.
  • Encouraging Empathy and Understanding: Marriage counselors may support you and your partner to cultivate mutual understanding and empathy. This can improve your ability to communicate, minimize disagreements, and reinforce your emotional connection.

The good news is you can develop your communication skills with the help of a licensed counselor. And those skills lead to a happier and more fulfilling marriage. With counseling, you and your partner may be able to improve your communication skills and tackle issues in a more constructive way. Sounds good, right? If you and your partner are ready to figure out how to communicate better, consider contacting Well Marriage Center for help.

How Do You Improve Communication Between Couples?

You probably have heard that “communication is key” in relationships. And while it is important, communication is just one piece of the puzzle regarding marriage counseling. But how do you make your communication better? Couples can improve their communication over time and with effort, but the following marriage counseling tips are helpful:

  • Focus on what your spouse says while actively listening to them without interjecting or passing judgment. Reflect on what they are saying and, if necessary, seek clarification.
  • To avoid blaming your spouse, use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. When using “I” statements, you may say, for instance, “I feel worthless when you don’t listen to me” rather than “You never listen to me.”
  • Even if you don’t agree with your partner’s viewpoint or beliefs, respect them regardless. Attempt to understand their perspective and the reasons behind their emotional responses.
  • Consider the situation from your partner’s perspective and think about how they might feel when issues arise. Even if you disagree with their behavior and response to the situation, express empathy for their emotions.
  • Recognize your partner’s communication style and tone. When we have different ways of communicating the same thing without understanding, we can often end up in toxic cycles. An example of this is when one partner shuts down and the other keeps trying harder and “chasing.” This pursue-withdraw cycle can often be fixed with the help of a therapist.
  • Take accountability for your actions and don’t accuse or blame your partner for the problems you might have caused or contributed to. Owning up to any mistakes or poor reactions can help mend your communication and strengthen your relationship.

Improving communication between couples requires effort and patience, but with the right help and guidance, you’ll find you can grow as a couple and strengthen your relationship. But marriage counseling can help with more than communication—and believe it or not, communication isn’t always the most pressing issue.

What Can Couples Counseling Help With?

Counseling can help address many issues within a marriage or relationship, including:

  • Trust
  • Conflict resolution
  • Different values or goals
  • Intimacy & sex
  • Money concerns
  • Communication
  • Family dynamics
  • Life changes
  • Forgiveness

When one spouse feels hurt or betrayed by the other—through actions like cheating, lying, or broken promises—one of you might develop trust concerns. This might even lead to living separately during marriage counseling. In other cases, partners can disagree on important decisions because they have different priorities, values, or personal goals, which can strain the relationship. Other issues like intimacy can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction or disconnection. No matter what it boils down to, you might be struggling to resolve arguments in a healthy and productive way, which can result in continuous tension and frustration. 

In these cases, being open and honest during your sessions about what is impacting your relationship, even if it is a difficult topic, is an essential step to resolving any problems you might be facing. It’s important to remember that these problems can be complicated and it’s not unusual for couples to experience multiple challenges at once.

One essential piece of counseling for marriage problems is developing new ways to approach your relationship. To help couples communicate their needs and feelings more effectively, a counselor will introduce new skills and strategies during the sessions. At Well Marriage Center, we focus on strengths-based counseling where you and your partner can focus on building strong relationships to construct a solid foundation on which your marriage, or relationship, can grow.

How Can Marriage Counseling Help a Couple Improve Their Relationship?

Marriage counseling and couples therapy take commitment from both partners to be successful, so you should not consider it a “quick fix” for marital issues. However, statistics show that counseling does help couples improve, strengthen, and renew relationships. The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy notes that over 75% of couples report improving their relationship after completing counseling. So how can marriage counseling help your relationship?

  • Resolving and managing conflict on important issues
  • Rebuilding trust and healthy patterns after an event such as infidelity and lying
  • Improving intimacy to connect physically and emotionally
  • Establishing open, honest, and respectful communication in a safe space
  • Understanding your partner, their needs, and their perspective
  • Learning new skills to face current and future challenges 
  • Addressing and working through past trauma and habits
  • Understanding emotional development, prior attachments, and coping mechanisms
  • Learning how to build new, healthier neural pathways over time

To start, it’s crucial to build on your relationship’s strengths to lay down the groundwork. After establishing that foundation, you and your partner should discuss your differences and identify areas of agreement. This can help couples resolve challenges and cultivate a more supportive and productive connection. Because a therapist is there for guidance and support, you don’t have to take these problems head-on. Instead, you can repair and rebuild your relationship with the help of an unbiased party. 

With specialized counselors like ours at Well Marriage Center, you can find success in couples therapy exercises that positively reinforce what you’ve learned during your sessions. Using our strengths-based approach, Well Marriage is dedicated to keeping couples together and avoiding separation whenever possible. 

What Do You Discuss in Marriage Counseling?

Marriage counseling is about addressing the problems you’re facing in your relationship. To do this, you’ll have to talk about some pretty difficult subjects—and that’s okay! To help you prepare for these hard discussions, here are some common questions marriage counselors ask:

Let’s Get to Know Each Other

During your intake meeting, your therapist will often begin with questions about you, your partner, and your relationship with one another. Some topics you should expect to discuss include your relationship history and how you got to where you are today. 

  • How did you meet each other?
  • What attracted you to one another?
  • What do you respect about each other?
  • How was your relationship before marriage? (Or in the beginning, for those not married.)
  • What are your expectations for counseling?
  • What challenges would you like to address?

It’s Time to Dive Deeper

Once your therapist gets to know you better as a couple, they will start asking more in-depth questions regarding your relationship.

  • How do you communicate with each other?
  • What are some of your shared values and beliefs?
  • How do you spend time together?
  • How do you handle conflict and disagreements?
  • How do you express love and affection?
  • How do you handle stress and difficult situations as a couple?

Tackle the Problems Head-On

Now come the nitty-gritty questions that might be hard to answer, but will ultimately lead to better results in communication and other relationship skills. To help the couple identify underlying problems, explore delicate subjects, and challenge harmful habits in their relationship, therapists may pose some challenging questions.

  • Do you feel like you can be vulnerable and open with your partner?
  • Are you both committed to making this relationship work?
  • What specific behaviors or actions have hurt your partner in the past?
  • Do you feel that your partner truly understands you and your needs?
  • How have past traumas or experiences impacted your relationship?
  • Do you feel that you are both putting in equal effort to maintain the relationship?

We’ve Finished Treatment, What’s Next?

To help you reflect on your development and gauge the effectiveness of counseling, a therapist may pose several questions at the conclusion of treatment.

  • How do you feel about the progress you have made during counseling?
  • What specific skills or strategies have you learned?
  • Are there any unresolved issues or concerns that you still need to work on as a couple?
  • How have your communication and conflict resolution skills improved?
  • Do you feel that you have gained the tools and resources needed to maintain a healthy relationship?
  • Have you noticed any changes in how you relate to each other outside of the counseling sessions?

This is by no means a comprehensive list of all of the questions you will explore with a marriage counselor, but they provide a snapshot of what you can expect from therapy. With a licensed counselor, you’ll be able to dive into the root causes of your relationship problems, and answering questions openly and honestly is essential to finding success. With Well Marriage’s approach, you can strengthen your relationship and find a deeper connection with your partner. It all starts with a 90-minute initial session and a structured relationship strengths and wellness evaluation.

Questions to Ask During Marriage Counseling

When it comes to marriage counseling questions to strengthen your relationship, you should consider what your goals are for counseling and, ultimately, your marriage. It’s important to keep in mind that you’re working together to find a solution that works best for both of you. However, it’s hard to get to that point without understanding your partner’s perspective or explaining your own. So what should you ask your partner during counseling sessions? Remember that learning valuable communication skills is an important part of marriage counseling, so your questions should reflect your goal of listening to your partner and learning their needs.

  • How do you feel about our relationship as it is? Do you have any expectations?
  • What are your most important needs in our relationship?
  • How do you feel when we argue or disagree?
  • What are the most significant sources of conflict in our relationship?
  • How can I help support you and meet your needs?

Understanding each other’s perspectives is essential to strengthening your relationship. When you ask questions, be sure to ask both pointed questions about your partner and how they feel, as well as questions you can both answer, like “How can we improve our communication with one another?” 

This allows you both to speak your mind and determine what would be best for both of you. Some may worry that a couples therapist is biased. Couples therapists will often spend a session with each partner as individuals to get a stronger sense of the situation, but if you find yourself in a session with a counselor that chooses sides, you should reconsider if that environment is best for you and your partner to strengthen your relationship. A professional counselor like ours here at Well Marriage want to help you renew your relationship and grow stronger together, not pick sides.

Strengthen Your Relationship with Well Marriage Center

With the help of counselors like ours at Well Marriage, you’ll work with a licensed counselor that takes a strengths-based approach to counseling. More than 15,000 couples have benefited from our counseling so far in improving their relationships, healing from past hurts, and finding new intimacy. We provide a clinically supported, scientific approach to repair your relationship and strengthen your future commitment through in-person, virtual, or hybrid sessions. We are the largest Couples Specialty Center in the US for good reason!. If you’d like to learn more about our services or set up an appointment, please reach out to our Intake Coordinator, Melinda, using our intake form.

 

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How Can Couples Improve Their Communication?

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Every relationship has its ups and downs and many couples peg poor communication as the reason for those downs. Relationship communication can strengthen or weaken the bond between two partners depending on how effective it is. And while it is completely normal to have the occasional barrier when talking to one another, prolonged communication issues in relationships can lead to even bigger problems. Before you and your partner get to that point, there are some steps you can take to get your communication back on track. First, though, you need to understand where those problems stem from.

Why Do I Struggle to Communicate With My Partner?

There are several reasons why you may struggle to communicate with your partner. For one, you may not understand your own feelings. You may feel hurt, upset, distant, etc., but you don’t know why you feel that way. Without understanding why you feel the way you do, you have a much harder time conveying to your partner what you need. This can lead to frustration with your partner for misunderstanding you.

You may also struggle to communicate with your partner simply because you were taught growing up to communicate a particular way. Perhaps you were taught to internalize your feelings, which makes it much harder as an adult to communicate them. Or perhaps as a child you unknowingly developed unhealthy or aggressive communication habits or patterns. Additionally, some families have a culture of “asking” or of “guessing” when it comes to meeting needs and expressing wants. For example, some people feel around the edges of a question and feel a need to guess the answer because they don’t feel like it’s appropriate to ask for things directly. All of this can cause you to lash out at or pull away from your partner rather than looking both within yourself and at your partner’s perspective.

Fear can also make it harder for you to communicate with your partner. When you have very real, very raw feelings that you have to share, you have to be vulnerable. You open yourself up to being hurt and potentially hurting your partner. That thought alone can scare many from talking about their feelings. However, this vulnerability is necessary to build trust and forge a strong relationship with your partner.

No matter what reasons there are for the lack of communication in your relationship, know that it’s never too late to work through them. A trained couples therapist like ours here at Well Marriage Center will go beyond the communication exercises you may expect to uncover the root issue(s) behind your struggle to communicate. From there, you and your partner can both learn to heal and move forward together.

What Can a Couple Do to Develop Their Communication Skills?

There are a few ways to improve communication in a relationship, one of which is to take the time to think through why you feel the way you do and how best to communicate that to your partner. When you truly understand your feelings, you’ll have a much easier time expressing them to your partner. Remember that when you do, use an assertive style of communication as opposed to an aggressive one. This style emphasizes openness and honesty while also respecting your partner and their feelings as well. Respectful communication in relationships is the first step to understanding your partner and working through problems as a team rather than as opponents.

Part of respectful communication, too, is listening to your partner. That does not mean that you listen to figure out what you want to say next or to prove your point. Rather, it means listening with your heart open so that you can understand why your partner feels as they do or has been acting a particular way. Listening in this way will also allow you to empathize with your partner.

Once you share your feelings and listen to those of your partner, you’ll have a much simpler time finding common ground with them. That means that, even if you do not agree on something or have been hurt by the other person, you can compromise and make a plan to move forward. It means that no matter what problems arise or what disagreements you have, you are still in the person’s corner when they need you. Finding common ground breeds trust and respect in relationships.

Improving communication won’t happen overnight. And it’s completely normal to have no idea where to start or how to work through previous trauma. Many couples turn to marriage therapy and relationship counseling to help with improving their communication, and that’s a great step to take! We at Well Marriage Center want your relationship to succeed as much as you do. We will give you the support you need every step through your journey towards effective communication.

Well Marriage Center: The Place for Effective Couples Communication Therapy

If you and your partner want to learn how to overcome barriers in communication, turn to Well Marriage Center. Our therapists have worked with thousands of couples and have seen all sorts of styles of communication. They also know how to find the deeper issue causing your problems so that you not only work through your current slump in communication, but can better communicate in future disagreements as well. Get started with one of our therapists and see a world of difference in your relationship.



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What Are Healthy Communication Styles for Couples?

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If you’re reading this, you’ve likely heard “communication is key” for any healthy relationship. While that is true, there is a lot more to that idea than meets the eye. Communication, like a key, can open the door to your partner’s heart (and your own as well). But with that, it’s important to know that communication styles, like keys, aren’t universal. Some “keys” that work for certain people may not for others. Some “keys” are bad to use on any person. And the truth is, there is no one-size-fits all, “master key” for relationship communication. Every couple is different because each person is unique, carrying their own personalities, past traumas, and relationship needs. It’s up to the couples to figure that out—together.

So, how can loving couples learn which communication styles are “keys” for their relationship? Some of that knowledge develops naturally, as partners learn more about each other. But seeing a couples counselor is another great way to improve communication—and it’s not just for struggling couples, either. Therapists give you an objective, expert perspective, which can be helpful for any relationship, regardless of how new (or old) it is. One of the reasons for this is that therapists help couples understand—and practice—healthy communication. What are some healthy communication examples? Let’s go over a few basic guidelines together.

What Is Healthy Communication in a Relationship?

Ultimately, every relationship is unique, and so is each relationship’s version of healthy communication. But to get to that point, you must first establish ground rules that encourage respect, trust, and vulnerability. With that in mind, we at Well Marriage are happy to share a few good starting points.

Healthy communication in a relationship will almost always include the following:

  • Know yourself, and your needs—then share them. This is arguably the most important step, because you are the only person who is an expert on, well, you! In relationships, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking your partner is a mind-reader, or that they “should just know” what you need from them. It’s never good to assume your partner fully understands your needs or knows how their actions impact your feelings. This is especially true when dating someone with a different communication style than you (which we’ll cover later in this article). Knowing your relationship needs can be quite challenging, but a therapist can really help you discover them.
  • Listen to understand, rather than to respond. Listening to your partner is a sign of love and respect; it’s also an act of deep intimacy. But there is a clear difference between “hearing” what someone says and truly “listening.” Active listening involves devoting your attention not just to your partner’s words, but their tone, delivery, and other nonverbal cues. Listening also involves acknowledging your partner as they speak, withholding judgment until they’re finished talking, and asking questions to clarify what they say. Besides, if you’re already formulating your response as your partner is talking, you’re not only ignoring them, but you are acting on incomplete information. Listening can be especially challenging when you’re discussing something contentious or arguing, but that is perhaps when listening well is most important.
  • Speak through a lens of how things make you feel. Our feelings are not just deeply personal and unique to us, they also give our loved ones a roadmap for how to meet our needs. When your partner upsets you in some way, it can be tempting to criticize them. But not only is criticism unhealthy for a relationship, it will not help your partner understand what you want. Always try to express things through “I” statements, rather than “you” statements; this will help you center your emotions, rather than attacking your partner. An example of this is choosing to say “I feel hurt when you don’t help me clean the kitchen,” rather than, “you never want to help clean up.”  
  • Validate your partner’s feelings and experiences. Truthfully, you will not always understand your partner’s emotions. And you will not always agree on how to interpret what happens in your relationship. But even in those times, it’s important to respect your partner’s feelings. Emotions cannot be “right” or “wrong”—they just are—so you must trust that your partner will speak authentically about their feelings. And likewise, they must trust you will do the same. Validating does not have to equal agreement, it can be as simple as expressing “I understand how that must make you feel.” From there, you can work on solutions or compromises.

What Communication Styles Are Needed for Healthy Relationships?

While every relationship’s specific communication patterns will vary, there is a general style that couples should aim for: assertive communication. Assertiveness is one of the four basic communication styles, which are:

  • Passive | Avoids conflict, often letting their partner make all the decisions
  • Aggressive | Embraces conflict, often dominating and controlling the relationship
  • Passive-Aggressive | Knows what they want but has trouble voicing it, leading to resentment
  • Assertive | Clearly expresses their needs and wants, while respecting others’ needs and wants

Assertive communication styles are direct but respectful. Being assertive means boldly expressing your feelings or desires and asking direct questions, while ensuring that others can do the same. But not everyone knows how to communicate assertively, and even if they do, they may still struggle with it or not know how to respond to assertive communications. Many people likely fall back onto one of the other communication styles—whether it’s from past trauma, unmet needs, or not being fully in touch with their emotions. 

What Is the Hardest Communication Style To Deal With?

This is largely subjective, as each style can be hard to work with, for different reasons. Aggressive people can be domineering and stubborn, but passive people can feel inaccessible and “far away” to their partner. And passive-aggressive people tend to let things build up until they reach a boiling point. In each of these situations, an experienced therapist helps couples bridge the initial communication gap, then gives them the tools to do that on their own.

Learn Healthy Communication With Well Marriage

Communication is key, and with the right key, you and your partner can unlock the door to a better relationship. Our therapists can help you discover what “keys” will best fit your relationship and give you strategies to improve your communication daily. It can be challenging to know what to do when you struggle to communicate with your partner. Even if your relationship isn’t struggling, you may just want a way to deepen your relationship and have more intimacy. At Well Marriage, we’re passionate about giving couples the tools they need to build a happy, deep, thriving partnership—together.

If you’d like to learn more about how we can strengthen your relationship’s communication, reach out to us and schedule an appointment today!

 

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What To Expect in Couples Therapy After Infidelity

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If you’ve found this article, you’re likely in a difficult place with your romantic partner.

Infidelity can be a staggering blow to any relationship, and the resulting pain can make infidelity recovery seem all but impossible. Maybe you’ve recently discovered your partner has been unfaithful, or maybe you were the one who was unfaithful. You may be wondering, “Is recovery possible? Can therapy help with cheating? And is it even worth trying?”

We certainly think so. Every situation is different, but if both partners are willing to take that leap of faith together, the relationship already has a much better chance. While the road to recovery will undoubtedly be challenging, at Well Marriage Center we believe that it is a challenge worth facing, and thanks to couples therapy, you don’t have to face it alone.

Even if you’re ready to take that next step, infidelity therapy can be a scary thought. If that fear and uncertainty is something you find yourself feeling, we’re here to help. Let’s start with the basics of infidelity therapy, including common starting points for healing, goals for couples therapy after infidelity, and more. Before we get into what those steps are, let’s set some expectations about recovery that will help you keep perspective and maintain hope throughout the process.

How Do You Heal From Infidelity Trauma?

Ultimately, every relationship’s circumstances are different, so the exact road to recovery will vary for each couple. Regardless of what your starting point is, here are a few things to keep in mind as you embark on this journey together:

Honesty Is Key

Transparency after cheating is not only important, but critical. Couples whose partners are willing to open up about their mistakes leading up to an affair have a much higher chance of repairing things. While it will likely be painful to discuss not just the infidelity but the relationship as a whole, without a willingness to be transparent, recovery is effectively impossible.

The Healing Process Is Non-Linear

The feeling of “one step forward, two steps backward” is common in any kind of therapy, much less couples therapy. That being said, the road to recovery is not a straight shot, but a winding, snaking path with many hills, dark tunnels, and points where a clear end may not be in sight. This is not only normal, but an expected part of the experience. While it’s important to validate the feelings that result, it’s just as important to remember that all parts of this road lead to a better relationship.

Infidelity Is Complex

“Rebuilding trust” is often something that comes up in people’s minds when addressing infidelity. While trust certainly must be rebuilt after an affair, infidelity is usually not as simple as one partner being untrustworthy. More often than not, cheating is a symptom of a more chronic, deep-seated issue that needs to be addressed, even if the couple doesn’t realize it at first. This could be a lack of communication, needs not being met, or any variety of other problems that occur between partners. Trust and transparency are both important, yes, but they are just pieces of the puzzle—a puzzle that will need to be solved by both partners, together.

If you can keep these things in mind as you approach couples therapy, your relationship will be able to more easily weather the trials ahead. One of the many reasons not to divorce after infidelity is that if a couple is able to take the necessary healing steps to move forward, they often emerge even closer and healthier as a partnership. Cheating, then, does not have to be the crushing blow to a relationship, but the shock that helped two individuals come together in a healing space, improving things in the long run. However, even if a couple decides to separate after infidelity, there are a number of therapeutic steps that can be taken to minimize and manage the PTSD, shame, and other damaging emotions that emerge. 

Now that we’ve covered basic guidelines, let’s talk more about the steps toward that healing space.

What Are the Steps for Healing Infidelity?

While every situation is different, there are some general guidelines to how recovery happens. So, how do therapists handle affairs? No matter the relationship, the first two steps to recovery are generally the same:

Typically, the first step is to let the person who was cheated on express their feelings. People who learn their partner was unfaithful will be experiencing a myriad of emotions—shock, unworthiness, sadness, anger, or even shame—and unpacking each of these feelings with a therapist’s help is important for both them and their partner. It will likely be difficult not just for that person to express these feelings, but also for their partner to hear them expressed. A therapist can really help couples process these complex emotions, as well as understand their partner’s emotions. 

Once feelings have been expressed, the next step is to address what was happening before the affair. Here is where we can begin to understand what the relationship was like, and what may have led to the infidelity. This, of course, is not to excuse cheating because of an unhealthy relationship dynamic, nor is it to invalidate the feelings of the person who was unfaithful. In order to progress, both partners need to be able to examine what was happening in their relationship, and be fully honest about how they’ve arrived at this point. Here, a therapist can mediate that process by ensuring both partners’ feelings are validated and by maintaining healthy communication patterns.

Both of these processes can take some time to fully get through, and as stated above, they may need to be revisited several times, but it’s important to see them through each time. After these two steps, the healing journeys diverge greatly depending on the relationship. No matter what comes next, though, if you’re able to stay transparent, listen to your partner, and examine some hard truths about your relationship, the outcome will most certainly be worth the effort.

If you’re ready to put forth that effort, Well Marriage Center is here to help you. The recovery process for infidelity is tough, but with the right guidance, your relationship can not only survive, but be stronger than ever. Don’t give up hope for a brighter future. Schedule an appointment with us today.



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How Long Does It Take To Forgive an Affair?

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According to the Infidelity Institute, it takes around 18 months to recover from an affair. But this is merely a standard industry answer. In reality, the road to reconciliation is different for every couple and timelines for effective affair recovery vary greatly. 

But how do you forgive someone you love for hurting you? To truly heal together after an affair, couples must understand two important concepts: 

  1. Infidelity leaves deep, painful, emotional and psychological scars that take time and dedication to work through.
  2. Forgiveness isn’t straightforward, and learning how to heal from infidelity trauma as a couple demands a lot of self-restraint and patience. 

We want to make sure that any couple who has experienced such a painful event has the resources they need. Nobody should have to carry the pain and trauma their entire lives or let it identify them forever. Let’s take a look at and elaborate on each of these points to explain how a couple can move past an affair and, surprisingly, build a stronger bond. 

 

Why Does Infidelity Hurt So Much?

The main reason an affair causes so much pain is because infidelity has a lasting impact on a person’s psyche. To illustrate, here are a few of the most common long term infidelity effects:

  • For the person who was cheated on, an affair can cause chronic anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges. Some studies have even suggested that infidelity may produce PTSD symptoms at a relatively high rate. These feelings can last long after the infidelity is discovered and are often challenging to process and move past without professional help.
  • Infidelity can make it more difficult to fall back in love. Our brains naturally generate more oxytocin and dopamine when we are in love. But when we experience infidelity, the pathways our brain uses to release these chemicals become disrupted, which impacts an individual’s ability to love themselves and others, again. 
  • Affairs make it harder for people to trust themselves, their partners, and also cause many to develop a general mistrust of others—including family, friends, and coworkers. In reference to trust issues, Psychologist Steven Stonsy states, “Just as the harm of a gunshot wound threatens the general health of the body, intimate betrayal goes well beyond issues of trust and love to infect the way we make sense of our lives in general.” For many couples in affair recovery, learning to trust again is their most significant challenge. 

Can You Truly Forgive an Affair? 

The short and quick answer is yes; it is possible to truly forgive an affair. But short and quick solutions are not the most helpful when it comes to affair recovery. In truth, the path to forgiveness is paved with patience. Both partners in the relationship must be patient with themselves and with each other as they navigate difficult topics and heal their wounds. Ultimately, it’s best to avoid putting a timeline on your recovery process. Another point to recognize is that couples do not have to recover on their own. 

With the guidance of a licensed, specialized counselor, healing a relationship after infidelity is a much more peaceful and effective process. Throughout recovery, it’s often difficult for individuals to learn how to describe the pain of infidelity and express its impact on their personal well being. A counselor can help both parties express their feelings and unique perspectives in a healthy and productive way. They can also help you uncover reasons not to divorce after infidelity.

At Well Marriage Center, our counselors will work with you and your partner to examine the dynamics that lead to infidelity, and explore your relationship to develop a healthy solution for both partners. Our ultimate goal is to help you forgive and better understand one another so you both can achieve a higher level of relational health and forge a secure and loving relationship.

If you’re ready to begin again, take the first step and schedule your appointment today.

 

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What Are the Different Kinds of Couples Therapy?

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Just like there are many kinds of couples, there are many kinds of couples therapy. Each approach to couples therapy is rooted in its own specific theories about relationships, emotions, and human complexity, and a skilled therapist will often combine these techniques to create a unique program for your unique needs.

Relationships are very complicated–which is why there’s no shame or failure in seeking out couples therapy or marriage counseling as soon as you think you need it. Setting the intention to do better in your relationship means taking action to give yourself and your partner a happier life. Some couples even begin their romantic journey with therapy right off the bat to create a more solid foundation for the future.

There are lots of ideas about how to best restore or preserve the joy in a relationship…which is great news, because it means there are couples therapy techniques best suited for you and your love. 

What Type of Therapy is Best for Relationship Problems? 

The best type of therapy for relationship problems addresses the unique challenges of the couple’s situation and promotes lasting healing in the relationship. Here are just some of the kinds of couples therapy a therapist may utilize or combine elements of:

  • Dr. Ellyn Bader – Developmental Model of Couples Therapy 

This approach is our personal favorite. It is focused on developing the couple as a team by nurturing skills and strengths in each individual. 

  • Dr. John Gottman – Gottman Institute

Gottman Method couples therapy prioritizes verbal communication, helping the couple reduce conflict in conversations and increase attention and affection throughout the relationship. 

  • Dr. Sue Johnson – Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

Emotionally-focused couples therapy leverages cutting-edge research into the science of emotional attachment styles to make sense of past problems and achieve lasting change for the couple. 

  • Dr. Harville Hendrix – Imago Therapy

Imago Therapy helps get to the root of a couple’s issues by promoting understanding of each others’ childhood experiences and the resulting needs as an adult. 

  • Dr. Esther Perel – Eroticism and Desire

This approach to couples therapy recognizes that our erotic life also comes with inner struggles, tensions, and anxieties. Through improved self-worth and vulnerability, the couple’s desire also recovers. 

  • Dr. Terry Real – Relational Life Institute

Relational Life Therapy is one of the most popular behavioral couples therapy techniques. Each individual is shown by the therapist how their behaviors are harming the relationship, and then those behaviors are addressed and overcome as a team.

 At Well Marriage Center we approach couples therapy with a focus on preserving the relationship and helping partners renew their appreciation of each others’ strengths. Our therapists always prioritize interested continued learning of proven approaches like these and others.

Which Form of Therapy Is Typically Used During a Couples Therapy Session?

In cases like Relational Life Therapy or Imago Therapy, the couple will likely know going in that these specific forms of therapy are being used. They may even seek out or be matched with a specialist, especially if other approaches to couples therapy have not worked in the past. If one of the above approaches sounds appealing to you and your partner, that’s a great direction to start your search.

But remember, the outcomes achieved are always more important than using a specific method. As the expert, a therapist may use techniques from a few complimentary schools of therapy. It all depends on the needs of the couple. And, just like with other forms of medicine, the treatment which works at first may need to be adjusted or supplemented as you enter new and healthier phases of life. Your therapist will learn about you as individuals and the complex issues your relationship faces to create a customized approach, pulling from these different approaches.

What Is Couples Therapy Like?

There are some universal things you can expect from good couples therapy. Whether you try EFT, Gottman Method, the Developmental Model, or something else, make sure the therapist is working in favor of your relationship with these main points:

  • You will start the conversation focused on the positives and why you want to keep choosing the relationship. 
  • The therapist will ask questions and help each partner speak equally in the conversation. 
  • You should always feel encouraged, not judged. But you may not always feel comfortable as wounds are discussed and behaviors are addressed. Change is hard, and your therapist should be a coach along that path.
  • Homework between sessions will help you and your partner apply what you have learned and develop new daily patterns of love and appreciation. 

Well Marriage Center: Not Just for Married Couples

Though we are called Well Marriage Center, we celebrate all couples and their desire to improve their intimacy. Whether it’s couples therapy for boyfriend and girlfriend, boyfriend and boyfriend, girlfriend and girlfriend, theyfriend and theyfriend–your gender, sexuality, and the legal status of your relationship are not what matters to us. We even help people have better relationships with themselves or other family members! The world is built on relationships of all sorts and we’re here to help people connect better.

We are more interested in the journey that has brought you to our door and how we can help you leave happier and healthier! You don’t have to have that answer ready for us. We will help you figure out what you need and how to move forward. Please connect with our intake coordinator Melinda by phone or email to learn more about how we match you with a therapist that is uniquely suited to support the restoration of your relationship. We can’t wait to meet you!

What Techniques Do Marriage Counselors Use?

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Marriage counseling provides space and opportunity for couples of all types to build upon their partnership, wherever they are in their relationship journey. However, if you’re new to the idea of couples therapy (or therapy at all), you may have questions about it—and whether it’s worth trying. You might be wondering what to expect in a session, what sorts of couples therapy techniques are being used, or if couples therapy even works at all. Well, look no further: we’re here to help. Let’s talk a bit about marriage counseling, some things you can expect in a session, and how we believe it can help any relationship—including yours!

Can Therapy Help with Relationship Problems?

The short answer is yes—it absolutely can! In fact, as of 2022, couples therapy has never been more helpful in restoring, rebuilding, or even just improving relationships. A recent study by the Journal of Marital & Family Therapy found that 70% of couples saw therapy as helpful, or even integral, in renewing their partnership. For some types of therapy, that rate is even higher! This, combined with other factors, has contributed to a steady decline in divorce rates in the United States since the early 1980’s.

Part of this success for marriage counseling is due to the fact that we now have various proven methods of counseling couples, all of which are meant to fit various relationship stages, areas of concern, or focuses for improvement. To answer more of your couples therapy questions, let’s dive into five of those techniques, and what benefits each of them can provide to your marriage.

Five Types of Couples Therapy

Here, we will cover five different techniques that are proven to have positive results: Behavioral Marital Therapy, the Developmental Model, the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and Imago Therapy. Ultimately, every relationship is different and requires a unique approach, but these five can provide a good starting point for establishing therapy goals or even prescribing couples therapy exercises:

  1. Behavioral Marital Therapy—a myriad of techniques based around encouraging good communication and positively reinforcing good behavior. This technique theorizes that the behaviors most enforced in a relationship—positive or negative—are the ones that will most likely be repeated.
  2. The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy—also known as the Bader-Pearson model, this technique theorizes  that relationships, like people, have different developmental stages of intimacy, and that each partner arrives at each development stage on an individual level. This suggests that many of the challenges couples face are from being in different developmental stages, and the best solutions depend on the unique combination of development stages between partners.
  3. The Gottman Method—developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this method targets four key behaviors that cause harm to relationships (which we’ll discuss later), then gives couples techniques to notice, avoid, and even replace these behaviors. They do this using nine key principles to foster healthy relationships, including Trust, Commitment, Building Love Maps, and more.
  4. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)—this model “prioritizes emotion and emotional regulation” as the central factor in relationship building. Emotionally focused couples therapy aims to strengthen emotional bonds in couples first, which in turn should translate to improving other aspects of the marriage or relationship.
  5. Imago Therapy—a theory that elevates working with the inner child, therapists who employ Imago will aim to help couples “understand each other’s feelings and ‘childhood wounds’ more empathically, allowing them to heal themselves and their relationships.”

Let’s dive a bit deeper into one of these techniques, also one of the most popular: the Gottman Method.

What Is Gottman Method Couples Therapy?

Gottman couples therapy techniques are backed by decades of research, reports, and discussions around what makes marriages work. Through their research, they’ve been able to pinpoint four communication behaviors that predict divorce, which they have dubbed the Four Horsemen:

    • Criticism: inherently negative observations and personal attacks from one partner to the other
    • Defensiveness: response to any criticism—even constructive—with hostility or denial of responsibility
    • Contempt: a loss of respect for the other partner; this is the highest predictor of divorce
    • Stonewalling: communication shuts down, and what rare communication remains is oftentimes hostile

While each of these might be present at some point in a marriage, their presence does not mean a marriage can’t be saved. Rather, they serve as a sign that there is opportunity to add more positive communication techniques into a marriage, something that marriage counseling can certainly help with. Gottman proposes nine such behaviors—known at the Sound Relationship House—that can be used to root out the Four Horsemen from a marriage, all by building a solid “house” of layered principles. They are as follows, in this specific order:

  1. Build Love Maps—cataloging “essential guide to your partner’s inner world,” including likes, dislikes, and other key facts about them
  2. Share Fondness and Admiration—the practice of telling your partner the things you like about them
  3. Turn Towards—actively responding to your partner when they “bid” for your attention, help, or support.
  4. Positive Perspective—not rushing to criticism, and assuming the best case scenario when your partner does something that rubs you the wrong way (i.e. “perhaps they didn’t realize this affected me this way”)
  5. Conflict Management—not avoiding conflict, but having a method to resolve it healthily
  6. Make Life Dreams Come True—supporting each other’s goals, and even helping achieve them
  7. Create Shared Meaning—like Love Maps, building a guide to an inner world, but for your relationship
  8. Trust—one of the “weight bearing walls,” focused on establishing mutual trust
  9. Commitment—the other “weight bearing wall,” developing faith in the relationship and your partner

Each of these nine tenets comes with their own exercises, techniques, and suggestions for improvement in the marriage. Keep in mind, this is just a brief overview of the Gottman method, and the specific approach will vary depending on what your therapist determines is a key focus. Also note that the Gottman method is just one of many techniques available to help with your marriage; an experienced therapist, like our team at Well Marriage Center, can determine what techniques may be right for your relationship. 

Want to Learn More About Marriage Counseling?

If you’re interested in learning more about what kind of therapy will best suit your partnership, we at Well Marriage Center are here for you. Our therapists implement the best, most proven techniques—like the five described above—to create a unique strategy for every marriage. We have worked with over 15,000 couples (both in person and virtually) to help partners rediscover all of the beauty their relationships hold, and if you work with us, we can help you do the same.

Ready to fall in love with your partner all over again? Please schedule an appointment with our intake coordinator Melinda to take the next step on your relationship journey. We look forward to hearing from you.

What Is the Most Effective Form of Couples Therapy?

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If you’re like others seeking out couples therapy, you know relationships are hard work and sometimes need help. However, we believe they’re still worth fighting for! Many people who look into marriage counseling or couples therapy want to put in the work to improve their relationship but get scared that it’ll drive them and their partner further apart. And while there are no specific types of couple therapy that work best for everyone, there are several couples therapy techniques to try that can make your relationship stronger than ever.

Your therapist will draw from and combine these techniques (plus others!) in a customized plan that targets your relationship’s unique needs and goals. Let’s review some of the techniques.

What Kind of Therapy Is Best for Couples?

There is no one-size-fits-all couples therapy. In fact, the best couples therapy is adjusted to fit the needs of your relationship. That’s because each relationship, its past and challenges, and the people in it are unique. When you go to couples therapy, your therapist may decide to try out one or a combination of a few of these techniques to renew your relationship:

  • Gottman Method Couples Therapy: This technique works to break poor communication habits that hurt relationships, such as criticism and stonewalling, through methods such as love maps and positive perspectives. This strategy will improve communication between significant others and allow their relationship to reach a deeper level of trust and intimacy.
  • Developmental Model of Couples Therapy: Just like children have developmental stages, so do relationships. When partners are at different stages of intimacy, the relationship may start to feel disjointed. This technique works to reconnect partners and assist them in growing together towards common goals.
  • Imago Therapy: Our childhoods shape who we become as adults. That also means that our childhoods can affect how we approach our relationships, which sometimes causes disconnects between partners. This technique helps individuals separate past experiences from their current relationship, work through negative coping strategies, and emotionally mature to build trust and connection with their significant other.
  • Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy: This technique suggests that human experiences center around emotions, that this is how we structure our lives. It aims to make the emotional bonds between a couple stronger so that they can withstand any issues that may arise now or down the road.
  • Behavioral Marital Therapy: Positive reinforcement can greatly influence how people act, whether they are actions that should be perpetuated or not. This technique teaches partners to positively reinforce good behavior so that communication between the two can improve.

You do not have to go into your first couples therapy session with a specific technique in mind. Your therapist is an expert who can determine the best route for you and your significant other to take to reinforce your relationship.

What Is the Goal of Couples Therapy?

The main goal of couples therapy is to rekindle the spark between you and your partner and to strengthen that relationship. It involves:

  • Practicing good communication
  • Building trust
  • Working through issues as a team
  • Breaking bad habits
  • Boosting intimacy
  • Learning how to work towards greater life goals together
  • Overcoming past individual complexities that harm your relationships

When looking for the most effective form of couples therapy, make sure to seek out a therapist with a pro-relationship mindset. That means that the therapist works to help you repair your relationship when possible. You won’t have to be scared of a relationship-friendly therapist encouraging you and your significant other to split up. At Well Marriage, our goal is to bring you closer together so you can achieve your relationship and life goals together.

That said, you and your partner should also have couples therapy goals and objectives in mind when beginning your sessions, goals that focus on building up the other person and the relationship overall, rather than goals to “win” couples therapy or to win the therapist over to your side. Seeking out couples therapy means that you’re willing to put in the work for your relationship. If you and your partner do that work, couples therapy is sure to work for you.

What Is the Success Rate of Couples Therapy?

According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, over 75% of people who see a marriage or family therapist experience an improved relationship with their significant other. 90% of people report an improvement in their emotional health, and almost 66% experience an improvement in physical health. Couples therapy can work wonders for your relationship as long as you put in the effort and have the right therapist on your side. Finding a skilled therapist who specializes in working with couples can boost the odds of restoring and strengthening your romantic relationship.

Where Do You Find Couples Therapy That Works?

If you’re looking for the best couples therapy out there, Well Marriage Center has you covered. Our licensed therapists specialize in couples therapy and relationship wellness. Not only do they stay up-to-date with the latest techniques to bolster relationships, but they have also worked with over 15,000 couples, giving them the experience to create a plan that works best for you and your significant other. If you’re ready to reignite that passion and intimacy between you and your partner, reach out to our intake coordinator, Melinda.

 

Couples Therapy Techniques

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Marriage counseling and couples therapy (we use the terms interchangeably) can have a hugely positive impact, with studies showing over 90% of couples finding it helpful. But there are so many different techniques that can be used in couples therapy, how do you know which one is the best fit for you? We’ve prepared this helpful guide to answer just that, breaking down some of the most popular and effective marriage counseling techniques below. 

All of our therapists here at Well Marriage have studied these techniques, and more, extensively, as they’ve devoted their careers to helping couples specifically. We’ve gone in depth to make sure we know the most up to date practices and proven scientific approaches that help all interpersonal relationships, including how to handle vulnerability, complex pasts, and communication issues. Here are some of the techniques your therapist here  might combine and engage in your unique and customized session.

What Is the Best Therapy for Relationship Problems?

The best therapy option for your relationship will depend on you and your partner’s life experiences, what your relationship challenges are, and the skill and expertise of your therapist. The best results from therapy will occur when both partners are willing and able to really commit to improving the relationship, and when evidence-based therapy techniques are used by a skilled therapist. 

So can couples therapy help with your relationship? We think so! Our counselors use a variety of evidence-based techniques during sessions and will take you both through the couples therapy exercises that are most likely to be effective for you. 

Some of the best supported techniques that will be incorporated include:

  1. The Gottman Method
  2. Developmental Model of Couples therapy
  3. Imago Therapy
  4. Emotionally Supported
  5. Behavioral Marital Therapy

What Is Gottman Method Couples Therapy?

John Gottman is a psychotherapist that has researched and published many studies on relationship theory, starting in the 1990’s. He has been listed as one of the most influential therapists of the last quarter century. His eponymously named Gottman couples therapy techniques also known as the “Gottman method” is well respected in the field.

So what is Gottman therapy? It is a technique that works to improve marriage functioning by avoiding behaviors found to hurt relationships. Gottman studied divorce and developed a successful divorce prediction method he called “The Four Horsemen,”– behaviors that herald the end of many relationships. These communication and conflict styles often flow into each other in unhealthy relationships, in what Gottman called the Cascade Model of Relational Dissolution. His four key predictors for divorce are: 

  1. Criticism – Couples regularly turn conversations or normal complaints into personal attacks. Statements frequently begin with things like “You always…’ or “You never…” 
  2. Defensiveness – Partners respond to frequent criticism with counter attacks or denial of their responsibility. This often leads to increased criticism and unproductive communication.
  3. Contempt (highest predictor of divorce) – Spouses lose respect for each other, and view themselves as far superior. This behavior can be seen as frequent mocking, hostility, cynicism and sarcasm.
  4. Stonewalling – Mates eventually shut down completely, withdrawing from communication and interaction. When conversation does occur, it’s usually unproductive and hostile.

The Gottman Method uses nine positive components to support couples in breaking these harmful methods of communication and conflict. These are called the “Sound Relationship House” and are meant to strengthen the core of a couple’s intimacy and understanding. They are:

  1. Love Maps – Ask questions designed for partners to get to know each other on a deeper level.
  2. Like Each Other More – Focus on this newfound understanding so the couple develops more fondness and admiration for each other.
  3. Turn Toward Each Other – Notice the other’s needs and bids for affection and try to respond to create more connection.
  4. Positive Perspective – Assume the best of your mate instead of criticizing.
  5. Conflict Management – Think about the other spouse’s feelings when issues arise and work toward more productive dialogue instead of fighting.
  6. Mutual Support – Work together to help each other reach life goals.
  7. Shared Meaning – Develop traditions as a couple that have significance to you both.
  8. Trust – Rely on each other as a source of strength.
  9. Commitment – Dedicate time and energy to the happiness of the relationship and each other.

What is the Developmental Model & What to Expect from Couples Therapy using the Developmental Model?

The developmental model of couples therapy was developed in the 1980’s and it focuses on the effects of development in relationships. The basic concept is that the individuals within a relationship progress through different developmental stages over time, similar to childhood developmental stages. 

This theory predicts that most relationship conflicts happen when the two partners are in different developmental stages. Using this model, couple therapy questions can be used to tell which stage each partner is in at the time, so they can work towards the same developmental stage in the future.

These stages are:

  • Bonding – when couples start to fall in love and crave closeness, the “honeymoon period” 
  • Differentiation – when partners discover their differences and learn to resolve conflict
  • Practicing – when each person develops independence and their own interests outside of the relationship
  • Rapprochement – when spouses return to each other after practicing independence
  • Synergy – when both parties experience true intimacy and are stronger together than apart

Dr. Ellyn Bader has deepened our understanding of the Developmental Model in Couples Therapy through her research and training at the Couples Institute in San Francisco. All therapists at Well Marriage Center have completed her year-long “Developmental Model for Couples Therapy” training program. It focuses on attachment, differentiation (at its core, this is how emotionally mature we are as individuals), and recent advances in neuroscience. It’s a Gold Standard training program. 

What Are Some Communication Exercises for Couples Using Imago Therapy?

Imago therapy builds on the idea that everyone’s childhood experiences shape who they are as adults, and that relationship issues can arise from these childhood happenings. So if a partner grew up in a house with a lot of criticism from a parent, they might be very sensitive to a partner’s criticism, or be very critical themselves.

We all understand that our childhood experiences affect our development, attachment styles, and how we communicate and approach conflict as an adult.

So how does Imago therapy help with couples therapy exercises for communication? There are several ways this therapy helps partners identify negative childhood experiences that have caused relationship breakdowns, then address these issues constructively. Some of these include:

  • Go to a Happy Place – During a therapy session, parts of our brains are very reactive. Finding a mental space where an individual feels safe can make it easier for them to have a constructive session.
  • Practice Mirrored Listening – When one spouse speaks, the other spouse can layer their own interpretation over what was actually said. Repeating what your partner says back to them, called mirroring, can show them that you heard what they really said and make it easier to create empathy. For example, during a heated discussion if one mate says “There are dirty dishes in the sink and it makes me mad”, the other could say “I hear you telling me that the dirty dishes made you angry.” Perhaps very simple, but practicing this can have benefits for all sorts of future conflict and resolution.
  • See Your Partner as an Ally – Instead of viewing a current relationship as following the same negative patterns you’ve experienced in the past, look at it as a means for growth. Identify which part of the issue is about the here and now, and which part is about childhood concerns.
  • Set Aside Time to Talk – Expressing your feelings is important in relationships, to avoid frustration and resentment. But expressing anger or sadness in the moment can be challenging. Imago therapy encourages a couple to make regular appointments to talk about their anger or other issues in a safe and controlled way. Giving time and space for both parties to be ready for this kind of conversation makes talks more productive for everyone.

Therapists may use this approach alone or, more typically, combined with other practices that help heal the complex divides that can spring up between individuals over time. Generally speaking, all models are combined by the therapist in some form or another that is catered to a couple’s unique situation.

What Are Some Couple Therapy Exercises Based on Emotionally Focused Therapy?

Emotionally focused therapy is built on the idea that someone’s emotions aren’t just responses to experiences, but are the basis for how humans structure their lives. This guiding principle is then used in couples therapy to rebuild or strengthen emotional bonds in couples first, which will then allow couples to constructively resolve their issues later.

Some good couple therapy exercises based on emotionally focused principles include:

  • Slowing Down and Being Present – Making a conscious effort to pause in the routines of daily life to connect with your partner matters. This could look like pausing when you first get home to hug and kiss instead of immediately starting chores or vegging on your phone.
  • Being Emotionally Engaged and Responsive – Showing your spouse that you are ready and able to have a real connection is key here. Uncross your arms and lean toward them while they share things about their day. When they reach for your hand, reach back and show them you are also ready for physical closeness.
  • Creating Intentional Connection Times – Incorporating rituals as a couple around times and ways you connect is important to reinforce emotional bonding. Some common examples are greeting each other with a kiss when you wake up, setting aside a specific ‘date night’ to spend quality time together, or signing up for a joint activity you both enjoy.

Which Is an Example of Something Done in Behavioral Marital Therapy?

Behavioral marital therapy is a collective term for a variety of techniques that use the theory that actions reinforced are more likely to be repeated. The basis for behavioral couples therapy techniques is to have couples practice productive communication and provide positive reinforcement for good behavior. This is similar to cognitive behavioral therapy, but centers around relationships specifically.

For example, a couple might have frequent disagreements about who should do the dishes. In a behavioral marital therapy session, a therapist encourages them to discuss this problem using the positive communication styles they have been learning. 

  • Partner 1: “I get angry when I ask you to do the dishes and you never get around to it”. 
  • Therapist: Gently points out that there was criticism in this start to the conversation, and suggests that trying some validation and giving a specific example.
  • Partner 1: “I know you are working really hard, doing an extra computer class in the evenings to support our family, and I appreciate it. But I need help with some of the housework sometimes too. It hurt me last night when you didn’t follow through when I asked you to help with the dishes.”
  • Partner 2: “I know I got caught up in my work last night and didn’t do what you asked, and I’m sorry. I want to show you that I appreciate your time as well, and I’ll work harder to help with housework when you ask.”

Well Marriage: Evidence Based Techniques for Better Relationships

At Well Marriage, we know that every relationship is unique and deserves specialized attention. Our therapists all focus on relationships, which includes marriage and couples counseling, and stay up-to-date on the latest proven techniques. We have worked with over 15,000 couples in person or via video sessions and have the experience to help you and your partner fall in love all over again. 

Our therapists often combine these, and other, techniques that is catered to help in a couple’s specific situation, no matter how trivial or tough it seems.

Please explore our website to see more of what we can offer you, then schedule an appointment with our intake coordinator Melinda to take the next step on your relationship journey.

How Do You Know if Your Marriage Needs Counseling?

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Many couples see marriage counseling as a last resort or as something that is only for “failed relationships,” but this perception couldn’t be farther from the truth! Couples therapy can help strengthen relationships in any stage or under any amount of stress. Whether you’re preparing to move in together, planning a wedding, or celebrating the arrival of your third child, couples therapy can help find small cracks and fix them before they spread. Or if you and your partner are facing major challenges, couples counseling can help you overcome them together.

One of the best marriage counseling tips is to get started sooner rather than later. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, after all. In this article, we’ll go over some of the common signs that you and your partner should consider couples therapy. Let’s dive in.

Do We Need Marriage Counseling?

Relationships are hard. Sometimes, we need an outside perspective to separate us from frustrations and look at the bigger picture. Working with a marriage counselor gives you access to their outside perspective, their  experience in healing relationships, and their desire to use their skills towards the best outcome for you and your partner.

Seeking the help of a marriage counselor can have four key benefits, helping you and your partner to:

  1. Identify the root causes of your relationship issues and negative feelings
  2. Resolve budding issues before they grow into major problems 
  3. Actively pursue self-improvement that helps your relationship
  4. Rekindle your relationship and deepen intimacy

How Often Should Couples Go to Therapy?

While there is no set amount of time that couples therapy can last for, most couples attend therapy for 4-10 months. During the duration of their therapy, couples typically attend 2-4 sessions per month.

However, when scheduling your couples therapy sessions, it’s important to remember that each couple is unique. How long it takes for you and your partner to see results and how often you find it beneficial to attend sessions can—and often will—vary greatly from other couples. 

How Do You Know When Your Marriage Needs Help?

You and your partner don’t have to wait for a catastrophe to start attending marriage counseling. In fact, marriage counseling works well as preventive care. If you identify problems while they’re small, you can overcome them together before they threaten the stability of your relationship. Early counseling  also helps couples plan and achieve their common goals and sets a solid foundation for the rest of your journey.

Of course, marriage counseling can also be extremely valuable even in the hardest of times for your relationship.

Whichever stage your relationship is in, here are some of the most common signs that you and your partner could benefit from marriage counseling:

  • You have mismatched desires for intimacy: Emotional and physical intimacy can enhance relationships when both partners are on the same page for what they prefer to give and receive. However, if one partner has expectations that the other partner doesn’t fulfill, it can cause frustrations for both people. Marriage counseling can help each partner communicate their desire for giving and receiving intimacy and help couples rekindle their desire for intimacy they felt early on in the relationship.

  • You are holding onto hidden feelings of resentment or bitterness: Bottled up feelings hurt the person holding them and can go unnoticed by their partner until they erupt into negative actions. Marriage counseling gives couples a safe space to express their feelings, so they can work with their partner on ways to resolve what causes those feelings of resentment and bitterness. 

  • You avoid spending social time together: It’s important for each partner to maintain their own life and sense of identity. Too much codependency can place an unreasonable burden on someone to provide everything for their partner. However, having little to no connection outside of the home can also be a sign of trouble. Marriage counseling provides an opportunity for couples to analyze why they prefer spending so much time apart and look for ways they can integrate portions of their social life. 

  • You have arguments that are lasting, unresolved, and repetitive: Arguments are a part of every relationship, and in many cases, they are a healthy way to communicate boundaries and come to a resolution. However, arguments that come up again and again can be a sign of underlying issues. Marriage counseling can help couples get to the root of repetitive arguments, so they can settle those disputes and come out stronger for it. 

  • You feel the need to keep major and minor secrets: Keeping important things from your partner—like major financial decisions—can ruin the trust in a relationship. While this may seem obvious to many couples, it’s also important to be honest about the little things, too, like friendships and where you spend your time when you’re away from your partner. Marriage counseling can help couples uncover why they feel the need to keep both major and minor secrets, and develop a plan to share those secrets to be more honest going forward. 

  • You lack the ability to communicate without fear: Relationships need communication to remain healthy, but sometimes, one or both partners find it hard to express what they’re feeling. Fear of embarrassment, not being understood, or negative repercussions (like shouting or violence) can keep individuals from expressing what they’re actually feeling. Marriage counseling creates a space in which each partner can voice what they’re feeling, while a counselor moderates the conversation so each party can be heard, safe, and understood. 

If you feel that something isn’t right in your relationship, it may be tempting to find reasons not to go to therapy. These reasons are often rooted in uncertainty, so let’s take a closer look at why someone might not want to go to couples therapy:

Can a Marriage Be Saved Without Counseling?

In some situations, a couple can save their marriage without counseling if they have the tools to improve their relationship and the dedication to see the process through. However, it’s often beneficial to work with a professional because they have experience working through the types of problems that you’re going through. It can also be beneficial to meet with an impartial third party for an unbiased perspective.

A common fear—and reason that some people avoid counseling—is that a marriage counselor could encourage divorce. However, at Well Marriage Center, our counselors are marriage-positive and do not recommend divorce. We believe that your relationship is worth saving, can be saved, and we’ll be with you every step of the way.

How Do You Know If It’s Too Late for Marriage Counseling?

It’s never too late for marriage counseling unless either you or your partner no longer wish to stay together. One of the reasons that couples may avoid counseling is because they don’t want to be told that it’s too late to heal their relationship. However, the fact that both members don’t want their relationship to end is a really good sign that it can be saved. Marriage counselors can provide the tools, space, and consistency for couples to recommit to their relationship and find ways to improve it together.

Find a Way Forward with Well Marriage Center

If your relationship feels tense, stale, or disconnected, it doesn’t mean it’s time to call it quits. Instead, consider working with a couples therapist to find ways to heal and rekindle your relationship. You want your relationship to succeed, and at Well Marriage Center, our professionals do, too. 

Give your relationship the time, space, and chance to recover. Visit our website to learn more, and if you’re ready to sign up, fill out our Intake Form to get started. 


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